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# A Great, Big Wave of Dolphin Flogging
- URL: https://goodoil.news/a-great-big-wave-of-dolphin-flogging/
- Published: 2022-08-29T02:30:00.000Z
- Updated: 2022-08-26T04:08:42.000Z
- Author: Cam Slater
- Tags: COVID-19, Fun Stuff, UK Politics, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2024-07-16 22:48

No wonder companies are struggling to get their employees to come back in the office – they’re too busy at home coming into their Kleenex. Forget nicking into the work dunnies to rub one out on your tea break, now it’s apparently a non-stop orgy of onanism for the laptop class.

> Working from home – away from the prying eyes of colleagues – has fuelled a surge in porn addiction, experts have warned.

Some, like *CNN* contributor **Jeffrey Toobin**, didn’t even worry about prying eyes. Toobin famously whipped it out during a livestreamed Zoom call and, in front of his astounded colleagues and a watching world, started, in **Keanu Reeve**’s immortal words, “Slappin’ the salami… Apparently he’s goin’ for a world record.”

But it looks like Britain is a strong contender for the Ashes in Hand to Gland Combat.

> The number of Britons seeking medical help for the issue has almost doubled during the pandemic, when remote working became widespread.

Remote *working*… Ok, some jokes are just too obvious, even for me.

> Doctors say having temptation just a few clicks away has turned some casual porn watchers into addicts and worsened those who already had a problem.  
>  
> The Laurel Centre in London, the largest sex and porn addiction clinic in Britain, says it is now treating some remote workers who watch up to 14 hours of porn a day.

Holy hell, people. Take a break for fluids and snacks, occasionally.

> There were an estimated 1.7 million people who said that they work mainly from home in 2019, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), which this \[sic\] represents about five per cent of the total workforce.  
>  
> This surged to almost half (46.6 per cent) in April 2020 during the first Covid lockdown, with about 13 million mainly working from home.

Which may explain why Kimberly-Clark, the makers of Kleenex, saw a sudden jump in their share price at around the same time.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/31/f4/31f4e20a-0315-499e-83ff-139e8eab53bf/content/images/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/the_bfd_kleenexshareprice.jpg)

Kimberley-Clark, makers of Kleenex, saw a sharp jump in value during lockdown. Now we know why. The BFD.

> While the share of people working predominantly from home has dropped since the peak of the pandemic, hybrid working has become a mainstay.  
>  
> The most recent ONS data suggests 9.9 million people now mainly work from home.  
>  
> But an estimated 91 per cent of London’s office workers were estimated to have worked from home during June’s rail strikes, a pattern believed to have been repeated during last week’s industrial action.

And, just like that, millions of office workers started shaking hands with the unemployed.

> Porn addiction can be loosely defined as regularly spending more than two hours at a time looking at adult material, Dr **Paula Hall** said.  
>  
> “If you’re regularly viewing pornography for longer than two hours it’s probably not about sexual arousal. It’s probably about escape,” she added.

Either that, or you’re *real* picky about your PornHub search results.

Well, we always did call them Pommy Wankers.

> Dr Hall recently launched Pivotal Recovery, a series of podcasts to help people beat porn addiction more discreetly.  
>  
> [*Daily Mail*](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11127351/EXCL-WFH-fuelled-rise-extreme-porn-addiction.html?ref=goodoil.news)

If only Jeffrey Toobin had beaten it a bit more discreetly.

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