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# Good Morning; Kittens. This Is Your Queen
- URL: https://goodoil.news/good-morning-kittens-this-is-your-queen/
- Published: 2020-05-07T21:30:00.000Z
- Updated: 2020-05-07T03:36:52.000Z
- Author: idbkiwi
- Tags: COVID-19, Fun Stuff, NZ, NZ Politics, Politics, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2024-07-17 03:24

Information

Satire

Good morning; kittens. This is your queen;

On March 23rd, 2020, I announced to the nation that I would be destroying New Zealand’s enviable and hard-won economic stability by moving into glorious lock-down. Some of the wags among you suggest it should in fact be called a lock-up, or a stitch-up, while personally I prefer the term Jaz-up.

Announcing the economic Jaz-up that day I said we had 102 confirmed cases of COVID-19 and the number was projected to **double every five days** unless we moved to Level 4 (Eliminate). Now, because some of you, especially in the press gallery, are reasonably thick I will show you exactly what that means:

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/31/f4/31f4e20a-0315-499e-83ff-139e8eab53bf/content/images/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/1-the-bfd-idbkiwi.png)

The BFD.

After the first five days 102 cases would become 204\. After the second five days 204 would become 408, but after the third five days, by **day fifteen**, 408 would double to 10,0000\. Trust me; I know my stuff.Working in the fish ‘n chip shop really helped my arithmetic – two scoops of chips is exactly twice of one, three scoops of chips is ten-thousand, that’s a lot of spuds, believe me.

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/31/f4/31f4e20a-0315-499e-83ff-139e8eab53bf/content/images/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/2-the_bfd-idbkiwi-1.png)

The BFD.

Some meanies have suggested my potential case numbers have been jazzed up or, rather crudely, sexed-up to justify my honourable deeds, to avert from the awful stench of my truly rotten decision-making. I want to assure you such allegations are completely untrue, they are not Jazzed-up, nor sexed-up; they are entirely home-grown, and made-up. By me.

Thank you for listening kittens, you may now go about your normal duties.

*If you enjoyed this BFD article please consider sharing it with your friends.*