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# Later, That Same Episode …
- URL: https://goodoil.news/later-that-same-episode/
- Published: 2019-12-23T01:30:00.000Z
- Updated: 2019-12-22T04:09:30.000Z
- Author: WH
- Tags: Fun Stuff, World Climate change, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2024-07-17 03:49

See the [first part here.](https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/12/once-upon-a-time-on-the-bbc/?ref=goodoil.news)

It seems that this is where the CoL get some of their ideas from:

> **Claire* It could be one of those initiatives that you announce* *but never actually spend the money.*  
>  
> **Jim* Great. Like the one on child poverty.*

**Humphrey* I have returned with the answer to all your problems.*  
*Global warming.*

**Jim* I thought you were against it?*

**Humphrey* Everybody’s against it, Prime Minister.* *I suddenly realised that is the beauty of it.*  
*We can get a unanimous agreement with all of our European partners to do something about it.*

**Jim* But how can we do something about* *something that isn’t happening?*

**Humphrey* It’s much easier to solve an* *imaginary problem than a real one.*

**Jim* You believe it’s real?*

**Humphrey* Do you? I don’t know.*

**Jim* Neither do I. Haven’t got the faintest idea!*

**Humphrey* But it doesn’t matter what we think.*  
*If everyone else thinks it’s real, they’ll all want to stop it.*  
*So long as it doesn’t cost too much.*  
*So the question now is, what are we going to do about it?*

**Jim* But if it isn’t happening, what can we do about it?*

**Humphrey* Oh, there’s so much we can do, Prime Minister.*  
*We can impose taxes, we can stiffen European rules about carbon emissions, rubbish disposal.*  
*We can make massive investments in wind turbines.*  
*We can, in fact, Prime Minister, under your leadership, agree to save the world.*

**Jim* Well, I like that!*  
*But Russia, India, China, Brazil, they’ll never cooperate.*

**Humphrey* They don’t have to. We simply ask them to review their emissions policy.*

**Jim* And will they?*

**Humphrey* Yes. And then they’ll decide not to change it.*  
*So we’ll set up a series of international conferences.*  
*Meanwhile, Prime Minister, you can talk about the future of the planet.*

**Jim* Yes.*

**Humphrey* You can look statesmanlike.*  
*And it’ll be 50 years before anybody can possibly prove you’re wrong.*  
*And you can explain away anything you said before by saying the computer models were flawed.*

**Jim* The voters will love me!*

**Humphrey* You’ll have more government expenditure.*

**Jim* Yes. How will we pay for it? We’re broke.*

**Humphre*y We impose a special global warming tax on fuel now,* *but we phase in the actual expenditure gradually. Say, over 50 years?*  
*That will get us out of the hole for now.*

**Bernard* The Germans will be pleased.* *They have a big green movement.*

**Claire* And we can even get the progs on board!*

**Bernard* As long as they get more benefits than everyone else.*

**Jim* My broadcast is on Sunday morning.*

**Humphrey* You have a day to get the conference to agree.*

**Jim* That’s not a problem.*  
*The delegates will be desperate for something to announce* *when they get home.*  
*There is one problem.* *Nothing will have actually been achieved.*

**Humphrey* It will sound as though it has.*  
*So people will think it has.* *That’s all that matters!*

(Later following the BBC interview, beginning 27:34)

**Bernard* Oh, magnificent, Prime Minister!*

**Humphrey* I think you got away with it, Jim,* *but the cabinet will have been pretty surprised.*  
*We’ll have to square them fast.*

**Jim* Bubbles!*

**Humphrey* We’re not there yet.*  
*After that interview, you’ll need to announce some pretty impressive action.*

**Jim* An initiative.*

**Humphrey* Yes.*

**Claire* A working party?*

**Humphrey* Bit lightweight.*

**Bernard* A taskforce?*

**Humphrey* Not sure.*

**Jim* Do we have enough in the kitty?*

**Claire* It could be one of those initiatives that you announce* *but never actually spend the money.*

**Jim* Great. Like the one on child poverty.*

**Bernard* Maybe it should be a government committee?*

**Jim* Well what about a Royal Commission?*

**Humphrey* Yes!*  
*It won’t report for three years, and if we put the right people* *on it, they’ll never agree about anything important.*

**Jim* Right! A Royal Commission!*  
*No, wait a minute, that makes it sound as if we think* *it’s important but not urgent.*

**Claire* Well, what about a Global Warming Tsar?*

**Jim* Fine! Would that do it?*

**Humphrey* No, I think it might need a bit more than that, Prime Minister.*  
*It’ll mean announcing quite a big unit, and an impressive salary for that Tsar,*  
*to show how much importance you place upon him.*

**Jim* No problem. Who would it be?*

**Humphrey* Ah, well, it can’t be a political figure.* *That would be too divisive.*  
*It has to be somebody impartial.*

**Jim* You mean a judge?*

**Humphrey* No, somebody from the real world.*  
*Somebody who knows how to operate the levers of power,*  
*to engage the gears of the Whitehall machine,* *to drive the engine of government.*

**Jim* That’s quite a tall order.* *Anybody got any ideas?*

*Humphrey… Could you?*

**Bernard* Oh!*

**Humphrey* Yes, Prime Minister.*