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# LEAKED: The Coalition ‘How To’ Manual
- URL: https://goodoil.news/leaked-the-coalition-how-to-manual/
- Published: 2019-10-18T23:30:09.000Z
- Updated: 2019-10-19T20:37:54.000Z
- Author: Juana Atkins
- Tags: NZ Politics, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2024-07-17 03:49

Information

This “leaked document” is fictional.

Last night a mysterious package wrapped in recyclable brown paper and tied with hemp string was dropped at *The BFD* HQ. As I picked it up I swear I could hear the sound of a squeaky bicycle wheel receding into the distance.

Inside the package, I found a slim red coalition manual that appeared to have been written with lemon juice and a quill pen. My first attempts to make the invisible writing visible resulted in the pages catching on fire so by the time I had managed to master the technique only one page was left.

*Chapter Five: How to respond to a problem of any size, big or small.*

*The very first thing that must be done is to take swift and decisive action so that you can be seen by the public to be doing something.*

*There is no need to wait until the inquiries or working groups you have put in train have finished. They are just there for show. A strong coalition government knows what the right thing to do is. A strong coalition government does not need to wait for the finding of an inquiry or a working group to come out. A strong coalition government will make sure that the recommendations of such groups match the actions that it has already* *taken*.

*So what strong action should a strong coalition government take?*

*It’s very simple. The cure-all for any crisis or tragedy big or small is a ban. A ban means that action has been taken then and there so there will be no need to do anything practical about the problem.*

*If a ban isn’t possible then the next best thing is a fine or a tax, the bigger the better. This solution is the best of both worlds as the government is seen to be taking action while at the same time gaining revenue.*

*The public will feel comforted that the government can ban and tax them out of danger.*..

After reading this page I reflected that it is strange indeed that the wisdom on the page had not been applied to various problems that have beset the Labour-led coalition government.

How much of a fine I wondered would have been appropriate to fine the Labour Party for allowing alcohol to be made freely available to minors at the Young Labour camp?

Chris Hipkins has [brought in a new law](https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/10/face-of-the-day-60/?ref=goodoil.news) that will fine universities who provide accommodation to students **$100,000** if any come to harm under their care.

How much then should the Labour Party be fined for the sexual assault of the young people at the [Young Labour camp ](https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/09/the-young-labour-camp-indecent-assault-case-part-one/?ref=goodoil.news)and the sexual assault of a number of staff members working in parliament by a staffer employed in the PM’s office?

Hmm. Perhaps it is okay when the left does it?

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https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/09/the-young-labour-camp-indecent-assault-case-part-two/ https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/09/the-young-labour-camp-indecent-assault-case-part-one/ https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/09/labours-fails-series-bullying-and-sexual-assault-scandals/ https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/09/jacinda-must-change-the-labour-culture/