I feel I must complain about the writer of a Letter to the Editor: A Complaint, a gentleman who goes by the name of Stu P.D. Leftward. Stu appears to be in something of a stew regarding my articles. He appears to be under the misapprehension that I am trying to undermine our “Dear Leader”. Perish the thought! I would no more undermine the poor girl than I would don a hijab and go around endlessly hugging my team of five million. I mean five million is a lot of hugs and, as Stu rightly points out, it would be breathtaking.
It might surprise Stu to know that I think we have to be thankful that after all those hugs our world-renowned leader is still breathing. After all, if it wasn’t for her breath the entire Labour Party would expire as a Government. While the rest are breathing, just, they seem at a loss as to how to put their oxygen to good use. As for hugging, she said in the last debate that her father has always called her a tree hugging leftie. What an insult!
Stu chooses to call our beloved leader a “hero” and it would appear that she does have all the characteristics of an ancient hero.
Ancient heroes:
- Did their heroic acts for personal glory
- Did their heroic acts for everlasting honour
- Weren’t generally altruistic, instead mostly self-serving
- Were usually on a quest for personal benefit
While not wishing to destroy Stu’s hypothesis of Jacinda as someone to whom I should bow down and kiss her feet, he should perhaps give a little more thought as to the reasons for her actions.
Stu tells me she’s saved 80,000 lives. If only there had been 80,000 lives to save. Stu might like to think about the lives lost through people not being able to get the healthcare they needed while hospital beds were left empty waiting for the supposed 80,000 to arrive. Having excelled herself with the mosque massacre it appears she couldn’t help herself and immediately tried to create a COVID massacre.
Stu continues being delusional by trying to have me believe that through Jacinda’s new proposed hate speech laws an event like the mosque massacre will never happen again. He says she is a true inspiration. That’s a good one Stu! Let’s see how her inspirational talents have assisted the policy areas of her Government so far.
- Kiwibuild — 8,000 affordable homes a month. Haven’t done that in over two years.
- One billion trees — after three years they are at 3.7% of their ten-year target.
- Government electric vehicles — 15,000 emission-free by 2025. So far 108.
- Homelessness — inherited a waiting list of 4,054. Managed to INCREASE it by 350%.
- Climate Change — Planning to INCREASE net emissions from 55,000 kT to 70,000kT.
- Net migration — Promised to cut it. Instead INCREASED it by over 30,000 to 88,450.
- Child Poverty — INCREASED. 12,100 more children in poverty.
There’s not much there to inspire me. Stu gives me what he considers to be good advice which is that I should listen to the prospective Nobel Prize winner telling everyone to be kind. Sorry, Stu, I can‘t listen to the woman at all. I’d get more intelligent conversation by tuning into What Now on a Sunday morning. Stu tells me she’s a precious commodity. He got the first bit right, she’s certainly precious.
Stu worries that we might lose our sweetness and light to nervous exhaustion. Nervous is a word that is applicable especially when she’s in a debate with the “Crusher”. I’ll take the exhaustion tag for having had to put up with her for the last three years. Stu also told me how awesome she is for dropping a sprog. Neve(r) has there been so much ado about mother and child. Did I miss something? Was it another immaculate conception?
Stu, it looks like I’m throwing insults but in all honesty, I’m just presenting the facts. The reality is that the Prime Minister is out of her depth, unable to cope with the rigours of her position and is more suited to gracing the cover of Vogue magazine. I admit she is not helped by having no one in the Party brighter than herself. The lights have been out for the last three years and the only hope for them being switched back on is a change of Government. As the debates have shown, Judith is the bright light and her electric persona outshines Jacinda by the length of the National Grid.
In all seriousness though Stu, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece. It was very well put together and gave me a lot of laughs. Humour, after all, is the spice of life! Cheers.
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