For once, I agree with Verity Johnson. Her latest article brings out some unfortunate truths for young men and women in the modern world. The article is founded, of course, on Andrew Falloon’s disgraceful behaviour this week, sending unsolicited pornographic images to young women. No, let us call it for what it is. He was sending ‘dick pics’. Nice.
Young women are weary connoisseurs? of digital depravity. From the everyday (a stranger on the bus air-dropping dick pics to our phones) to the awkward and predictable (guy from work sending nudes on Instagram) to the severe yet not surprising (being constantly harassed, stalked and sent violent, explicit content by someone who you’ll end up needing a restraining order from).
Women’s Liberation really got going in the 1970s and I admit to being a beneficiary of it, growing up in a world where girls could do anything and did. But somewhere along the line, it all went wrong.
By the mid-1980s, I was starting to think that there needed to be a “Men’s Lib” movement, because the focus was always entirely on women. Girls could absolutely do anything by this time, but they were still being given all the advantages. In the year 2002, when I had a son in the sixth form, I watched Kim Hill on TV debating the question of whether or not NCEA was a good idea because boys worked better at cramming for exams and therefore might be disadvantaged. Her supercilious attitude was to describe them as “Poor babies”. I have never forgotten this because it was so condescending, and so obviously wrong.
Hill was disregarding half of the kids in school in favour of the other half. But she seemed to forget that, when those teenagers became adults, it is the women who will want to take maternity leave in most cases and so having an uneducated male population does our society no good at all. It was the “Black Lives Matter” moment of 20 years ago, and the attitude was totally disgraceful and absolutely wrong.
How can we get through to these people that one group cannot get equality by bringing the other group down?
Men of my generation (and many men who came both before and after it) were taught to respect women. They were taught that their role in life is to provide and support, to look after their women and their families. There is no reason why a woman can’t have a successful career and still have a partner who looks after her. Personally, I believe that, in a relationship, you take care of one another in whatever ways work best.
Sadly these days many women started to see caring actions, such as holding open doors, as evidence that men were treating them as inferior. It is nothing of the sort; it is merely good manners. But men have been told, with ear-bashing after ear-bashing, that women want to be equal. Holding the door open is now seen as being chauvinistic. It isn’t, of course, but if enough women say it enough times, then men will come to believe it.
This has resulted in men, particularly younger men, being very uncertain of their roles in life. If their role traditionally has always been to provide and protect, what do they do when women seem to think that they can do it all for themselves? It creates a void, an uncertainty for men as to what they should do, and how they should behave. And the end result, of course, is where we find ourselves now.
Many young women encourage ‘dick pics’. Yes, they do. Strange as it seems to those of us of another generation, many young women expect their current partners to send such pictures. Obviously, they don’t want unsolicited ones (gee, I am in weird territory now), but such things are all part of modern relationships. I disagree with Johnson when she calls Judith Collins naive for saying Falloon’s actions were “not something I’ve heard of before”. Men of Judith’s generation just didn’t do such things. Thank goodness.
None of this behaviour is okay, of course. Do not think for one minute that I am endorsing Andrew Falloon’s dreadful behaviour, but I do think there is an inevitable consequence of detracting from men’s traditional roles. If women are going to insist that they don’t want to be treated nicely and with respect, then that is what will happen. Confusing good manners with chauvinism is a mistake that is costing young women dearly these days. If they don’t want to be treated nicely, then there is a price to pay.
But then again, are some men just plain stupid? If a man sends a ‘dick pic’ and it is welcome, but then the relationship falls apart, what is stopping the woman from accusing him of sexual harassment? Such actions, if unsolicited, are illegal. Why would anyone open themselves up to such consequences?
Not all men behave like this, of course, but things in the modern world must be confusing for young men. They are vilified from many angles, especially if they happen to be white. If women want equality, it means, among other things, sexual equality. No one would argue with that. But men (some men) interpret that as game on. And in the modern world of social media, where you can airdrop photos onto stranger’s phones (who knew? although I can’t think why I would need it), women are fair game. We can’t have it both ways, ladies. Next time a man opens a door for you, please be gracious. He is being nice, he has been taught to be polite, and there is nothing in it that is meant to be a put-down.
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