The BFD | A Puzzle Worth Investigating

Using the Delayed-Matching-To-Sample (DMTS) test, animal psychologists have shown that dogs may remember an event for two minutes but a chimpanzee just for 20 seconds, whereas the average media trooper, trained and skilled (I am very sure), exhibits just under half that primate’s recall. This is a puzzle worth investigating.

Running with numerous stories castigating the president of the constitutional republic known as the United States of America, our local media appear shocked and horrified that that particular pilloried person “placed lives at risk” and “downplaying the deadliness” of the dreaded Kung Flu breaching the USA’s formerly unsullied continental shores. Even though my eyes were bleached by the sight of one particularly sour-faced Vinegar-Lil’ speaking on the idiot-box, I clearly heard words describing such mundane news as a “Bombshell revelation”, a bomb which, nevertheless, failed to register any retrospection of our own dear leader’s actions.

In parallel circumstances to the American figurehead, Ardern didn’t just downplay: she simply ignored the pandemic’s devastating potential risk in her public utterances, as did the ministry known as Health.

When the first case of Bat-droppings-soup fouled the waters of Oceania (on January 25th) our own leader went hard-n-early to Ratana despite the protestations of opposition MP’s who felt the impending risk deserved further attention, for which suggestion the attack-dogs were released:

‘Nothing to see here – it’s all fibs – move along’, they said as numbers of infections across the region grew until when, in mid-March, local media condemned the American president for aggressively reacting against the continuing omni-spread: ‘Tut-tut’ they said; “Donald Trump”, they said, “has suddenly turned around and banned all travel of non-US residents”; “this was the worst thing the American president could have done” according to ‘senior political’ scribbler Malpass, all awhile praising Jacinda Ardern for her “continued low-key approach, in keeping with the national character”. A fortnight earlier ‘Health’ was cheerily announcing our initial cases:

Behind the scenes panicking public-health researchers implored the PM, on March 6th, to ‘do something’, requesting the borders be closed to all-but COVID-cluster less countries; in response she, unlike the irritating American interloper, did absolutely nothing.

Trump, say the accusers, didn’t do enough, delegating authority to State officials in determining the risks and reactions as circumstances dictated, while the greatest-prime-minister-ever, with regard to the potential public health risks posed by proceeding with her indoor Huggiversary planned for March 15th at the Horncastle Arena, simply fobbed: “Really it’s up to the Christchurch City Council to make that call”. Yes: really.

Here’s a picture of her at the event rehearsal with, on one side, “Dr Hard” and on the other “Madame Knurly”, wearing appropriate protective gear as they consider the looming national health and economic disaster, capturing the very moment when, ever on the watch for such things, Megan excitedly spotted a coronavirus, or perhaps a custard square, it’s impossible to be certain.