JM White
It is best to marry someone you have grown to know well over the years, preferably from childhood. That way there are no horrid little surprises waiting in the wings during – or after – the honeymoon. But, no matter how long you have known him, there is always the likelihood that he will need some further instruction from you, because, while living with his mother, he will definitely have absorbed some of her teachings, such as: he is special and needs special foods cooked in a special manner, he needs help not only to to find the clothes he needs to wear each day but also to dress himself, he needs lots of expensive things to keep him happy, he need never to know the truth about himself – that he is not the smartest/strongest/best looking fellow in the world, and, finally, he will need to be told that he will no longer be permitted to continue to drink from his mother’s Fountain of Praise. Start off the way you mean to carry on.
If you notice serious flaws in the husband-to-be before you marry him and you ignore them, thinking you will change him after you are married, you will join the ranks of millions of unhappy, disillusioned women who thought the same. If you marry a drunkard or a gambler you will live with a drunkard or gambler for the rest of your married life. If he lives with his mother and thinks you will do the same – run! Run away as fast as you can. Join them at your peril. Marry such a man and you will be the slave not of one, but of two. If he has a reputation for violence, or taking drugs, shun him as though he has the contagion of death – which he has. Lastly, do not marry a man who sulks or bites his fingernails: both are passive aggressive signs of psychopathy.
The best type of man to marry is one near your own age, a man who cares not too much for religion or alcohol but who will observe the religious niceties in a moderate way and who will agreeably share one or two drinks in a social situation, a man who is clean in mind and body, who is not mad about contact sport but likes a bit of fishing, who is a good gardener, who can turn his hand to minor repairs of the car, plumbing, carpentry, or the electricals, and best of all, a man who is kind and who is liked by other good men. An average man. A moderate man. Unfortunately, most of us will never meet a man who ticks even two of the best type boxes, so go for kindness and maybe you can work on the rest. If you can’t find kindness, move on.
It is natural for the male to protect his own progeny – and only his own. If you would dispute this, watch a few natural world programmes. The offspring of another man is in constant peril so don’t introduce any. Give him your utmost fidelity and protect his children. Don’t frighten them with shouting and do not ever beat them. One day they will be bigger than you and they may return the favour. Don’t worry about him finding relief with other women. Men are simple creatures. If you are faithful, a good housekeeper and a good mother to his children he won’t go far, after all, it is your name that is joined with his on the title deed of the house and ownership of everything else. Or it should be. You should have had bank accounts, credit cards, and all financial concerns firmly within your purview from the date of the official engagement. If you have not done this, do it now and always be honest with money. It is the very bedrock of a good existence.
A truly happy marriage is not a master-slave relationship and you need to be sitting firmly in the marital saddle to prevent tyranny from taking over. Once the romance has faded away, view marriage as a business partnership – one that will give you, your husband and children the best life. Never think for one moment about separation or divorce – unless he hurts you. If he does it once, you can be absolutely certain he will do it again. Don’t wait to find out. Go straight to the law without hesitation. Give him no second chances. Take everything. It is better that you and any children should live the rest of your life safely and alone rather than taking your chances with a brutal psychopath. No religious patriarchs ever considered a woman’s life very important and neither did the men who wrote the property laws. Up until the middle of the 20th century, it was a rotten world in which to be a woman. It’s different now. Respect tradition, but above all, respect yourself. Use the rights so many women have fought for and don’t be a fool.
