Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t keep mocking The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, because it’s such low-hanging fruit.
But then I remember that Amazon is one of the world’s biggest corporations, who’ve sunk a billion dollars into the show. All to destroy and Bowdlerise a literary creation I’ve loved since I was eight years old — and then they’ve bullied and insulted me and other fans for daring to object.
So… screw ‘em. Let’s keep making fun of the bastards.
It may sound like a bad joke, but Amazon Prime Video is reportedly offering free food to Brazilian viewers if they’ll watch their floundering Lord of the Rings series, The Rings of Power. According to a new video by YouTuber George The Giant Slayer, a visit to the Prime Video Brazil Instagram account reveals an offer for a coupon to iFood, a food delivery service that is Brazil’s version of DoorDash or UberEats. The catch: you have to watch the first episode of The Rings of Power to get it.
Go hungry, or watch Rings of Power? Guess I’ve finally found that fool-proof diet plan I’ve been looking for.
Especially when the offer barely covers a couple of spring rolls or a box of popcorn chicken.
It should be noted that the coupon offers viewers 30 rials, which converts to about $5 in American money.
Whoa. Worth its weight in mithril.
Bounding Into Comics detailed how it is just the latest attempt by Amazon to get someone – anyone – to watch the show, which started off with promising ratings after its September 1 premiere. However, according to various tracking services, viewership declined in subsequent weeks. It rebounded for the October 14 season finale, but the bad buzz surrounding the series has loomed over the show like the clouds over Mt. Doom in Mordor.
George the Giant Slayer, in typical YouTuber fashion, has his own hot take on why the series has flopped, as he blames the show’s “woke” mentality. Even for those who embrace that argument, it’s hard to pin the show’s struggles on that factor alone.
Well, no it isn’t.
Because everything else that’s awful about the show springs from that wellspring of bad ideas. The woeful writing, the detestable characters, the pathetically transparent attempts at “suspense” and “twist” that were about as convincing as child’s fumbling attempts at card tricks.
Even the most die-hard Tolkien fans admitted they had trouble following the multitude of characters and deep references to the mythology, so even casual viewers were often lost as to what was going on.
That’s, quite frankly, bullshit. Because there were no “deep references to the mythology”. The show almost completely discarded anything and everything Tolkien actually wrote. What we got instead was ludicrous hackery like, “rocks look down”, mithril created from lightning hitting an elf and a balrog, and Mt Doom being started by water. I’m not making this stuff up.
By way of contrast, another show that no-one, not even fans, were really enthused about, House of the Dragon (a Game of Thrones prequel), rolled out at almost exactly the same time. Audiences, especially fans, were pleasantly surprised: indeed, some fans argue that HoD exceeds even the well-regarded first seasons of GoT.
House of the Dragon is slaughtering Rings of Power in reviews and audience pull.
And all without resorting to dodgy viewer-buying.
Bounding Into Comics also mentions a rumor that Amazon is considering totally rebooting The Rings of Power, attempting a total do-over in season two that may see an entirely different storyline or even characters. Given the hundreds of millions Amazon has committed here, that rumor is either complete nonsense or a desperation move to save the series, and sadly, both seem plausible at this point.
Giant Freakin Robot
Frankly, a total reboot is the only thing that could even begin to save Amazon’s billion-dollar investment. Because even Jeff Bezos personally offering to drop in and spoon-feed me foie gras and give me a foot massage couldn’t convince me to watch another minute of the abomination his showrunners have dished up so far.
