Rod Kane
Recently the hated Posie Parker was shut down from speaking in a public space by the rainbow rights and transeverything organisations. As the huge crowd of protestors forced their way onto the stage, preceded by paint bombs, soup bombs, loudspeakers and bovver boys, the Police reminded them to be nice, no swearing and to pick up any rubbish they left behind.
One protestor we spoke to summed it up for the rest when he/she/it said that there was no way they were having someone with divergent views having a say when the rainbow community disagreed with whatever it was they were going to say. When pressed as to what it was she/it thought Posie had to say, the crowd, dressed in sackcloth and smelling of manure, advanced menacingly with bared broken teeth and wooden pitchforks and said ‘Aaaaarggghh… How the hell would we know? She never gotten to said it.’
On that note, today we spoke to a young couple with a baby having trouble getting into the country. “Customs insisted that we give them our names” said the distraught birthing parent/child-delivery medium. “How could we possibly do that when baby is only six months old and hasn’t decided what sex it will be at this stage, if indeed it ever has one?
“Further we have not decided on a name for whatever sex it decides to be, assuming it decides to be one of the current 65 gender identities. We were thinking of ‘Ecosaviant Euphoria’ or perhaps ‘Orgasmona Plantella’, but we have to wait for her/he/its decision.
“In addition, my partner, who used to be my husband, has now decided to become a non-gender, asexual suppository but of indeterminate bio-appendage, and I am still considering becoming a parking meter.
“It has been an absolute nightmare for us having to answer stupid questions of identity when we haven’t even decided if we want to be human,” she/it said with a thin dribble of saliva running out of both corners of her/its mouth and pooling down on to the parquet flooring.
A crisis is emerging in the education portfolio and our intrepid reporter spoke with an education spokesperson/psychobabble representative of indeterminate gender at the Posie protest. “The problem is,” said the spokesperson, “that we do not have enough funds to support the construction of the all the different classes of toilets in every school in the country now. Some of the rural areas only have about 20 pupils in the entire school so it looks a little OTT with all the utilities taking up more ground space than the school. On the bigger schools we have had to appropriate the football fields and basketball courts to build all the new toilets.
“On the plus side, there are no males or females left, so that is a saving but of course we have no idea how many pans per cubicle there needs to be as the toilets are now also designated for sex education, as well as smoking cubicles. We may even convert the existing classrooms as none of us can think of a continued use for them under the new Labour/tribalist curriculum.”
Our reporter left when she noticed the menacing stares from the gathering crowd, holding wooden pitchforks and hearing mumbled yokel-speak. At least our schools are up to the challenges of modern life, she mused. The next generation should really be able to show Pommie women’s advocates how to get off the stage.
