Alwyn Poole
Founded and was the head of Mt Hobson Middle School in Auckland for 18 years. MH Academy is now an in person private school for years 11–13. There is now a nationwide online provision called Mt Hobson Academy Connected for years 1–13.
I am a diagnosed social-phobe. I find social-interactions, meetings and group interactions highly problematic. The effects of this are social withdrawal, all sorts of manifestations when something cannot be avoided (sweats, shakes, inappropriate expressions, etc), and fatigue.
It was not something recognised or understood until my 40th year – but then explained a lot. I had been white knuckling though life until then. By and large, things have gone better since, as I can prepare for events and know what is going on internally.
In many of my school years I was school averse. I hated going to school. Even as a teacher/principal, I would get to the end of the holidays, or weekend, and say: “I don’t want to do to school tomorrow.” The refrain from my family was: “You have to – you are the principal.” Once I got there I loved it.
For a child, with this kind of anxiety, things can be very tough:
- they reflect on past experiences of conflict and bullying from students and teachers.
- they worry about social rejection and being the odd one out.
- they hyper-focus on one aspect of potential embarrassment or a teacher they fear.
- they worry about failure of all kinds – or success that sets them apart from others.
Getting to school each day can become a huge hurdle and the evening before can become a fretful time for every family member.
Each solution is slightly different, but here a few hints I have picked up through my experiences and through helping many children get through this kind of situation.
- Play down the compulsion aspect. My parents – with positive intent – used to tell me that: “You must go to school. It is the law.” It was like hitting me with a psychological base-ball bat.
- Don’t hurry – but do work in increments. On the one hand – a few months of interrupted school can be learned from and will not destroy future careers. But: it is good for all if there is an incremental plan. This could be morning/afternoons for a few weeks. Three days a week. Just in certain classes…
- Listen carefully to the child – preferably before they are tired and anxiety is heightened – and help them to distinguish the rational from the irrational.
- Identify positive teacher and friend relationships and try and further those links.
- When anxiety is especially heightened, seek out professional help and play the long game. Many of the world’s high achievers are people with anxiety/depression as a part of their background.
- Medication is an option, but research hard as a parent and look, initially, for it as a stop-gap option.
- Care for yourself – in the same way that an airline says put on your oxygen mask first. If you get overwhelmed, you become a lot less available to help your child.
Happy to discuss further.
This article was originally published by Education Plus... Challenging Mediocrity.
