Information Satire Rissole Brindle – T.W.E. Broadcasting Explainer Editor: Early in the new year, the Prime Minister, Her Royal Highness, Jacinda Ardern will merge TVNZ and RNZ into a single public broadcasting entity. Speaking From Jacinda Ardern’s Facebook Bunker deep in the bowels of the Beehive, the Minister
Information Satire Government Thinking Explainer Editor: Megan Woods’s announcement of a joint environmental and aerospace project to ‘lift off’ on the Kaitorete Spit has progressed. The Project, Tawhaki, a partnership between Te Taumutu Runanga and Wairewa Runanga and the Crown, will continue to develop an aerospace research and development
Information Satire TWE Editor in Chief. In our usual weekly media-heads’ Zoom meeting with Her Highness Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of Aotearoa, we were briefed on the ongoing implementation of He Puapua und Covid-19. To paraphrase Jacinda here are her almost exact words: “An unfortunate slide in opinion polls means
Information Satire New World Order Explainer Editor The World Health Organisation has warned that the Covid-19 Omicron variant poses a “very high” global risk and states that unless it is stopped from spreading it will cause havoc. A spokes them/they person for WHO said the Omicron variant, which so
Information Satire T.W.E. potential award-winning Investigative report on the main problem facing Aotearoa A year-long investigation has been conducted by white supremacist top-expert David Gurnard, T.W.E. assistant cub reporter, on the massive extreme far-right groups hidden in plain sight in Aotearoa. It involved the “harvesting” of
Information Satire Crime under Labour Explainer Editor: Speaking from her turn in the Prime Minister’s Covid bunker, the Minister of Police, Poto Williams, announced today that all deaths caused by shootings will be listed as death by Covid. “It had become blatantly obvious,” she said, “that deaths by shooting
Information Satire Another High Tea Interview with Her Royal Highness, Jacinda Ardern the Prime Minister of Aotearoa. After her special one-on-one interviews with both TV One and TV 3 the Prime Minister graciously sat down for a good natter with our recently transitioned assistant cub reporter (her, she, them, they)
Information Satire Labour Thinking Explainer Editor In a Tik Tok broadcast from his sickbed, The Minister for Health Andrew Little, announced today, major changes to the way surgical procedures will be handled in Aotearoa. “It has come to my notice”, he said, “that due to the world-leading lock-outs, lock-ins and
Information Satire Traffic Light Explainer Editor: In an exclusive to The Woke Examiner the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, personally fleshed out her world-leading Covid Traffic Light system. “It will be like Lotto,” she said, “replacing the news at six. “Every Monday, on my channel, TVNZ ONE, I will front the
Information Satire Jacinda’s Wedding Planner Explainer Editor: Sources close to Jacinda Ardern have made a controlled leak to The Woke Examiner to put to bed the rumours swirling uncontrollably around our world-leading leader’s wedding. Due to pressure from Netflix, who are making a docudrama about the whole affair,
Information Satire Labour Government Spending Explainer Editor: $10 million has been allocated to a group of top expert modellers to predict the spread of hero syndrome, which is racing like a wildfire virus through the nation’s experts, celebrities, politicians, talkback hosts, cartoonists and journalists. The hero syndrome describes the
Information Satire Ardern Explainer Editor: In a broadcast to the nation from her Facebook bunker deep in the bowels of the Beehive a haggard-looking Jacinda Ardern apologised for her complete and utter incompetence. “A while back,” she said, “I stated I was not a complete idiot, but now with the
Information Satire Maori Affairs Explainer Editor: Police are walking back the idea that the police need to adopt Te Reo Maori as a crime-fighting tool. Initially, they said students from Kura Kaupapa total immersion schools could be crucial to the future of the force. A spokes-them-they-it-person for the police said
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Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor: Rumours of a coup against Jacinda Ardern which have been circulating for months amongst the nation’s journalists have now materialised. According to sources within the Labour Party, there is dissatisfaction about Jacinda Ardern’s handling of everything from Kiwibuild, rent rises, He Puapua
Information Satire Entertainment Explainer Explainer Editor: Walt Disney has announced a remake of its iconic cartoon characters. In a worldwide news release, a spokesperson laid out the plan to introduce present-day children to characters they can understand and relate to. A three-hour, genre-breaking, blockbuster special will resurrect favourite characters from
