Information Satire The Prime Minister, Jacinda put the nation on notice, saying moves are afoot to have the whole nation microchipped by the end of the year. It will neatly kill two birds with one stone by solving the problem of contact tracing and keeping an eye on people in
Information Satire A discussion document leaked to The Woke Examiner shows that state control of all farms is now complete. It details how a long term plan using Health and Safety measures, the Resource Management Act, principles of Te Treaty, the zero-carbon target, COVID lockdowns and now, freshwater reforms – has
Information Satire Earlier today the police moved quickly to arrest large numbers of experts, editors, reporters and academics – all accused of the most unprincipled dissemination of fake news in the history of Aotearoa. Examples of the fake news headlines. Image credit HangonaMin. The BFD A spokesperson for the justice department
Information Satire Broadcasting from her Facebook bunker, the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, announced today that as a protective measure due to the recent lockdown, tinfoil hats are to be compulsory. A tinfoil hat manufacturing complex has been set up. A grave and concerned Jacinda said, “Fellow covid hysterions, the other
Information Satire The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern sat down with The Woke Examiner over high tea to have a conversation about her No-policies policy. From the outset, It was obvious to The Woke Examiner, Jacinda was still on a high after her triumphant conference last Saturday. “Everyone loves me,” she
Information Satire In the latest NewsHub push poll, the Greens have rocketed into the lead with an astounding 100% support. Labour and National are on zero. Tova O’Brien called the poll a historic moment in Aotearoa. The questions asked were: 1) Would you vote for the Green Party if
Information Satire A survey conducted amongst all serving MPs has shown over half of them are missing out on secret affairs, a bit on the side and general hanky-panky. In a special 11am news conference, the Prime Minister and the Speaker Trevor Mallard lamented the disparity within parliament and said
Information Satire The pitter-patter of little feet will soon be heard throughout Parliament as the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern has been successfully cloned one hundred times. Six more than the boys from Brazil. Another world first for the high flying, world-beating PM. A billionaire philanthropist, who does such good progressive
Information Satire The Minister for Education, Chris Hipkins announced today that degrees in virtue signalling will be available in all universities throughout New Zealand. They will start at Diploma and go right through to Doctorate level. The well-known virtue signalling expert and twitter maestro, Dr Geronimaux Fountique-Welliver will have overall
Information Satire Finance Ministers Grant Robertson and James Shaw announced today the building of mega money-printing works which will cover a thousand hectares. It has been designed by a phalanx of architects, engineers, environmental consultants and Iwi representatives to the highest specifications and costs possible. Grant Robertson said, “It is
Information Satire The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, announced today that the whole country is going to be put on a shovel ready footing. She said, “Now that the RMA is subject to the Carbon Zero Act, we are in a deep, dark, hole and my loyal team of 5 million
Information Satire The Government announced today, that the Captain Cooker statues that “litter” Aotearoa will be removed immediately at a cost of $50 million. A replacement monolithic statue of a Kiore (Polynesian rat) will be erected in Aotea Square to celebrate early Maori’s contribution in animal husbandry to the
Information Satire Both party leaders have agreed that it makes sense to merge as their parties have identical policies and National wouldn’t have done anything different under the COVID-19 lock up. The ex-National deputy leader Nikki Kaye said Jacinda will be the leader as she has done a fantastic
Information Satire A photograph showing senior TVONE staffers dressed as black and white minstrels from a Christmas party has surfaced after initial denials of its existence. Senior management says that even though they have apologised, mass sackings are the only option. Maori Party spokes-he-she-it-whatever-person, Debbie Ngarewa-Packer, said it showed a
Information Satire The Minister of Police, Stuart Nash, has announced the disbanding of police. They are to be replaced by a confederation of gangs rebranded as ‘Community Enablers’. “The gangs did a great job manning roadblocks and generally keeping order in their communities during the lockdown. They showed ‘real progressive
