Bob Jones
My company has always had a valued very close relationship with Bayleys, now deservedly the nation’s largest commercial real estate agency. Over the years they’ve sold us hundreds of millions of dollars of buildings. But from time to time on this Blog, I take the mickey about their weird practice of writing meaningless gibberish in their printed material.
One of their top people, Ryan Johnson, delivered up a pearler in their latest nicely produced “Total Property” periodical. Mind you, that name in itself is ludicrous, why “Total”?
But Ryan excelled himself in his “nostalgic look back at the company’s evolution”. Take the following-world-class gibberish.
“The forthcoming general election may – or may not – change international investment thresholds and responsibilities and, with offshore capital increasingly focused on worldwide diversification across portfolios, Bayleys want to remain on the front foot”.
That paragraph is simply mind-boggling in its meaningless verbosity.
Consider the first lines opening words, “The election may or may not change international investment thresholds…” which is no different than saying the election may or may not see an outbreak of leprosy in Te Kuiti or everyone’s legs fall off in Remuera. And “thresholds”. What the hell is that supposed to mean in this context?
Finally, “Bayleys want to remain on the front foot”, presumably as opposed to standing on the back foot. Thereafter it got worse.
Talking this way, Ryan could go on stage as an entertainer albeit I’ll wager he never does this at home for he’d be quickly subject to a wifely murder. Should that happen no jury in the land would convict, instead at the judge’s instigation she’d cop a standing ovation.
Bayleys Wellington franchisee Mark Hourigan has threatened dismissal to any of his agents when writing advertising for their offerings if they abandon plain speech for “hard-working building” and other Ryanish-type nonsense.
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