C J Hopkins
Nobody expects The Anti-Zionist Inquisition!
Like their befuddled medieval Catholic progenitors in the classic Monty Python skit, they descend upon you without warning! Amongst their diverse weaponry are surprise, and fear, and ruthless efficiency, and fanatical devotion to the Church of Anti-Zionism! Blasphemers, heretics, and other apostates of the Church literally wee themselves at the thought of being publicly accused of non-anti-Zionism and subjected to their fearsome inquisitorial methods!
Yes, I’m speaking from personal experience, having recently survived a visit from the Anti-Zionist Inquisition on Twitter. What happened is, I noticed that the pro-Palestinian student protesters in the USA, or many of them, were wearing “Covid” masks. So I tweeted about it. Here are some of those Tweets …
I don’t know what I was thinking at the time. I was probably possessed by a Zionist demon! Anyway, the next thing I knew, the Anti-Zionist Inquisition was onto me. Paul Cudenec, an anarchist writer who I’d been friendly with for several years, and a Cardinal in the Church, rushed onto Twitter to demand that I publicly “condemn Zionist genocide,” and answer to charges of potential Zionist sympathies, and otherwise recant my heresy and blasphemy. I didn’t do that for Paul. I don’t do that for anyone. As I noted in a previous column, I don’t condemn things on command, not Hamas, not Zionism, not anything, for anyone. Nor do I perform any other kind of tricks. If that’s what you’re into, get a fucking dog.
My unresponsive anti-authoritarian response did not sit well with Cardinal Cudenec, so he whipped out one of the Anti-Zionist Inquisition’s most feared and most ruthlessly efficient weapons, the Online Character Assassination. “Why is CJ Hopkins now devoting all his efforts to attacking critics of the Israeli genocide?” he shrieked. Could it be that CJ Hopkins is controlled opposition? Is he now, or has he ever been, a Zionist?
The anti-Zionist faithful answered the call. I was instantly besieged by a swarm of morons demanding that I publicly deny that I’m a Zionist, and affirm that “the Zionists” own the US government, and most other Western governments, and the banks, and media, and… well, I think you’re probably familiar with that narrative.
Wait… no, it’s not what you’re thinking. These people are not anti-Semites! They are anti-Zionists! They have absolutely nothing to do with the idiotic anti-Semitic garbage that, for example, white-supremacist groups like Aryan Brotherhood or Aryan Nations are into, you know, all that garbage about the “Zionist Occupation Government” and how “the Jews own everything,” and “the Great Replacement,” and all that. I am serious. I know some of these people, personally. They are anti-Zionists, not anti-Semites. They just happen to be totally obsessed with the Jews, and Israel, and Zionism, to the point where anyone who refuses to conform to their simplistic worldview and political analysis is perceived as an enemy, or a “Zionist,” or a “Zionist-entity sympathizer.”
So, that was fun, my appearance before the Anti-Zionist Inquisition. Plus, it inspired me to conduct one of my online courses on basic smear-artist tactics, which I offer as a public service whenever the occasion arises.
It also moved me to tweet a few words of advice to my Anti-Zionist Inquisitors, which I will reproduce below for my readers who have the sense (and the luxury) not to be on Twitter.
Ready? OK, here we go …
I hate to bum people out, but repeating the words “Zionism” and “genocide” over and over is not a political strategy. If you want to stop slaughters like the one going on in Gaza someday, get a political strategy. Start with a political analysis. Use a map. Identify who is aligned with what.
For example, which of the Middle East countries on this map are playing ball with the global-capitalist empire? Which aren’t? Which countries has the empire invaded, destabilized, and restructured since 1989? Why has it done that? Where are there still pockets of resistance?
Forget about ideology for a second. Every country has an ideology or a narrative to justify its actions. Try to look at the map through the eyes of the empire. Who is playing ball with you? Who is not? What needs to be done about that? What is your goal as an empire in this region?
Again, forget about ideology, and try to think strategically. Take Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is an Islamic theocracy. It’s the largest US export market in the Middle East. The US is its largest trading partner. Do you think the empire cares about its ideology?
Now take a look at Israel. What function does Israel perform for the empire? Do you think the empire cares about Israel’s national ideology, i.e., Zionism, any more than it cares about Saudi Arabia’s national ideology? If so, why do you think that?
Think strategy, not ideology. Does Israel maintain an arsenal of nuclear weapons because of Zionism? Why is the empire determined to ensure that Israel remains the only country with nuclear weapons in the Middle East? Does Israel receive billions in support from the empire because of Zionism? Did the empire invade and restructure Iraq because of Zionism? Libya? Syria? Why is Iran a problem for the empire?
Answer those questions and you may be on your way to developing something resembling a political analysis, which you can use to generate an actual political strategy. Then, someday, maybe, that political strategy might help you to stop slaughters like the one in Gaza.
Or, don’t think about any of the above questions, and just keep shouting “ZIONIST GENOCIDE!” over and over and referring to Israel as “the Zionist entity.” That’s been working really well so far.
Oh, and, if anyone is still unclear about my political views and desperate to fix that, well, might I suggest that they actually read my books, or my columns, which are all available online.
Or, if it’s too much work to do that, just ask some fanatical idiot on Twitter.
DISCLAIMER: The preceding essay is entirely the work of our in-house satirist and self-appointed political pundit, CJ Hopkins, and does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Consent Factory, Inc., or its staff, or any of its agents, subsidiaries, or assigns. If, for whatever inexplicable reason, you appreciate Mr. Hopkins’ work and would like to support it, please go to his Substack page, or his Patreon page, or send a contribution to his PayPal account, so that maybe he’ll stop coming around our offices trying to hit our employees up for money. Alternatively, you could purchase his satirical dystopian sci-fi novel, Zone 23, or Volumes I, II, and III of his Consent Factory Essays, or any of his subversive stage plays, which won some awards in Great Britain and Australia. If you do not appreciate Mr. Hopkins’ work and would like to write him an abusive email, feel free to contact him directly.
