Sir Bob Jones
nopunchespulled.com
Regrettably, it’s fashionable in New Zealand to mock Bishop Tamaki, but throughout history, that’s always been the case with great men who bucked excessive authoritarianism. Who knows? Possibly future generations may include His Grace’s name in the annals of noble martyrs who sacrificed their lives for their principles, such as Thomas a Becket, Joan of Arc, Thomas Cranmer, Gandhi and numerous others.
The above named were all duly executed, in the case of Joan and Cranmer, burnt at the stake. Others such as Saint Stephen were stoned to death, a practice still thoroughly enjoyed by Islamic extremists. Such macabre fates seem to be a pre-requisite for historic recognition so Bishop Tamaki should give this some thought if he values post-humous martyrdom acknowledgement. Probably he may wish to organise his own demise. Burning at the stake has the advantage of a few minutes spectacle value, unlike say the immediacy of hanging. But perhaps the best option is that of the ancient Romans nailing buggers to a cross. It’s easy to organise and provides a decent few hours spectator value before the victim succumbs. On the other hand perhaps His Grace views that as old hat and (forgive the pun) done to death, notwithstanding the potential to add his personal touch of fat followers rendering endless hakas during his nailed-to-the-cross act of martyrdom. Then again, that too is excruciatingly over-cooked, to the huge annoyance of the ever-suffering wider public. However, here’s a suggestion for His Grace to show a creative side.
Given that the press photos reveal his supporters are mostly grossly obese, His Grace could lie at the bottom of a see-through glass container and half a dozen of his followers then lie on top of him. There could be 20 minutes of excellent spectator viewing in this innovative slow crushing to death demise method before he finally succumbs. Best of all, the proceeds from tiered seating sales to spectators offers the added bonus of a sizeable pay-off. His Grace should give this some thought. Hopefully, he will find these well-intended proposals helpful.
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