Sir Bob Jones
nopunchespulled.com
In recent weeks The New Zealand Herald has run advertising displays promoting the use of its classified advertising categories. Specifically it lists “In Memoriam,” “Engagements,” “Anniversary,” “Weddings,” “Birthdays,” “Acknowledgements” and a mysterious one I’ll come to.
First however, it baffles me why New Zealanders feel the need to tell the wider world of their private lives, such as weddings, engagements, etc as surely their friends already know of these events.
On the other hand, using the Deaths column is explicable. The “In Memoriam” is to the best of my knowledge peculiar to this country in which people publish unbelievably embarrassing mushy letters addressed to someone who died years back. The general tenor is to outline how much they’re missed and how they’ll inevitably be together again. If they felt that strongly surely they’d top themselves and get on with this fictional catch-up aspiration.
The mystery new one the Herald’s promoting but don’t explain is called “Unveiling.” What events could this possibly be targeting?
It can’t be at nuns suddenly seeing the light and giving up superstition as there’s scarcely any left now anyway. What therefore might we expect? Perhaps, “Robert Wilson of Blythe Street, Te Kuiti wishes to advise he has changed sex and henceforth her name is Roberta,” or, “Margaret Smith of Remuera wishes to advise that from next Sunday she intends becoming a full-time nudist and will formally strip in Cornwall Park at 2pm. All welcome for the unveiling.”
To date the Herald has elicited no unveiling advertising takers so I remain in suspense. In the interim, readers’ suggestions as to the targeted unveiling market are welcome.
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