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Satire
Labour Ethno-Fascist Explainer Editor
Reliable sources within the ethno-fascist complex running the Labour party have leaked an embargoed section of He Puapua – the setting up of iwi centric transport.
Titled Tahuri Ki Te Kaitaki (The path to transport governance), it lays out the separate development equity needed for Maori transport.
To remedy white supremacist systemic racism, all public transport will have areas reserved especially for Maori. The front of buses and trains will be modified to have culturally appropriate seating: larger and more comfy seats.
Wardens armed with billy clubs will police the areas to stop ‘others’ from pilfering and stinking-up what rightfully belongs to Maori.
Culturally inappropriate seating on our national airline was brought into sharp focus by the unfortunate experience of a Maori cabinet minister who for mana reasons will remain nameless.
While they were visiting the ridiculously small aircraft toilet cubicle the plane was hit by extreme turbulence – the stainless steel bowl was crushed like an empty beer can.
To add insult to injury, after exiting the cubicle, with help of a crowbar and a group of beefy passengers, the turbulence continued and they got jammed in their seat.
On landing in Wellington an emergency crew armed with the jaws-of-life was needed to extract them.
Such things should never happen to our most vulnerable high born elites.
Due to all seating in our national airline being taken up by second-tier iwi elites, filling jobs created when the white colonists in the public service are to be given their marching orders, a fleet of specially kitted out jets will be needed to move, on a weekly basis, iwi grandees from all around the country to Wellington.
They will be able take their seats in the indigenous-only upper house with the mana and dignity they deserve.
The CCP has offered to build, at best price, knock-off C-17 Globemasters.
No expense will be spared for our most vulnerable elite who are unique to the world and have special needs.
Special padded, emperor sized seats will be the norm, and an onboard hangi pit will supply snacks during the flight.
Back-of-the-plane accommodation will be made for the accompanying haka and powhiri parties needed for when the Iwi grandees enter and exit the aircraft.
Boomers Explainer Editor
Retirement villages all around the country are finding the need to adapt to the recent influx of elderly baby boomers.
Wife swapping parties and dope growing in the shared gardens are the new normal.
The older residents are finding it difficult to cope with Lemmy being played at full volume at three in the morning, nude bathing on the bowling greens and demands for herbal teas only at the village cafeteria.
TWE Editor’s note: My assistant cub reporter who speaks fluent Te Reo assures me the He Puapua section on transport titled Tahuri Ki Te Kaitaki actually translates as It’s turned to custard not The path to transport governance.
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