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Dear National Party, it is with much regret that I write this letter, but I am so confused. I don’t know what I have done to make you hate me so much. At least it seems that way. I can’t think of anything that I have done in the past that would cause you to push me away like you do. Please, tell me what I have done wrong.
You know I have supported you for years, ever since I grew up politically really. My Dad used to vote for that weird Social Credit Party with all their ‘funny money’ ideas but even as a youngster I could see that was silly. How could just printing money ever be sustainable for a little country like ours? But he’s dead now.
My Mum is still around, she thinks that old guy Winnie is still worth giving a vote to, but I don’t think I could ever vote for him because I just don’t feel that I can trust him. That’s just me though, I guess he’ll probably be back in again this year, I’m pretty sure he’s immortal.
I did once vote for that other scary old woman Ms Clark but forgive me; that was when she was giving me lots of extra stuff in my pay packet and I was only thinking of myself. I didn’t really realise that it wasn’t her money to give away. I have grown up a lot since then and realise that, when I’m voting, I can’t just vote for what is good for me, I really should be considering the country as a whole.
And I really love our little country, or at least I did until that awful Jacinda woman took over. Man, so much damage done by one miserable harridan in such a short amount of time. I only hope she reflects on that misery and seeks redemption or I fear she will end up in the hospital with mental health issues. To be frank, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone as New Zealand really doesn’t have much in the way of mental health services anymore since they closed the only places that actually worked.
But anyway I digress. Please let me know what I have done to make you so distant. It seems that every time I read anything about the National Party, you seem to be drifting further and further away from the way you used to be.
I mean, we used to rely on the National Party to hold the country together, or I guess more correctly, to fix all the problems that Labour had caused while they were in power. But now? I just don’t get the feeling that you guys are able to fix things this time. Every time I look around, someone else from your party is saying something stupid.
I didn’t like that Simon guy, he came across as really underdone when he got the job but I thought I should give him a chance. I figured that being an ex-prosecutor he would be OK down in Parliament, but really, he just wasn’t up to it. He scored a couple of hits which was good but, nah, he just came across as a wet schoolboy.
Then there was all that talk about the guy from Air New Zealand, Luxton or something, wasn’t it? Everyone said he’d be great but I never really saw that either. I guess you just get a feeling about some people. And then he went and said that he had no skeletons in his closet which I thought was kind of dumb. Geeze, I mean plenty of us have heard about those weird internet clubs that you can join if you’re naughty. I realise you wouldn’t use your own name on one but surely there would be people who would recognise you if you were on one of those. Anyway, not accusing him of anything, it just seemed a dumb thing to say, you know, ’cause if you tell someone you have no skeletons to find, surely there will be people who go looking for some. I guess it doesn’t really matter right now as he isn’t even an MP yet.
When I heard about the new guy, Mueller, or Moller or something? No Muller, that’s right, it rhymes with ‘dumb fulla’, I remember now, I thought I should give him a chance too. But the first thing he did was roll over to get his tummy scratched when those horrible people in the media hassled him about his silly red cap. Man, I have one of those caps on my shelf too but it doesn’t mean I’m a bloody white supremacist or anything, it’s just a hat for goodness sake. Oh, my other hats don’t mean anything either!
I was really hoping he would tell those media clowns to go forth and multiply with themselves but no, he just caved. Then there was more caving when you guys got called racist for not having enough brown faces on the front benches. Man there’s been so much caving you could start a spelunking club.
Sometimes I wish that nice Mr Key would just come back and take over again but I know he’s moved on to greener pastures. I really didn’t like the way he sucked up to the Chinese Communist Party people though. I reckon he was selling the country out; just my opinion but it wasn’t a good look. I wonder if he is still trying to get onto the board of one of those Chinese banks?
I couldn’t believe that he gave that Chinese spy guy a list place though. I reckon there must have been something dodgy going on there. I know that the Chinese give plenty of cash to pretty much all the parties here in New Zealand so I suppose Labour would have just given him a job if National didn’t. I hear he has been reselected again so I guess you guys still need all that money.
Sorry, I keep digressing. Anyway, it seems that every time I see anyone from National on the TV lately, it is someone agreeing with what that horrible Jacinda woman is saying, or just trying to explain why National are going to do the same as Labour – but better. Come on, if you think I am going to vote for a Labour clone you’re sadly mistaken. I mean I have voted for you guys for pretty much the last three decades, but how can I vote for you now? You just keep pushing me away.
I just wish that you guys would go back to what you used to be for. You know, like looking after all the businesses that are the ones that pay all the tax for all the things we need, the same ones that employ almost all of us workers.
So please, let me know why I should still vote for you. And please, stop pushing me away. I really liked the old National Party. I thought I could rely on you, but now, well I just can’t see me supporting you at the moment.
And please, please, please, if one of those stupid journalist people ask you about your thoughts on changing Hamilton’s name, don’t phaf about with weasel words, just tell them they are idiots and that there are bigger problems in the country to worry about. Just like that silly Mr Muller should have done with that dumb hat problem.
Anyway, I must sign off now as I have to go and apply for some jobs. It’s hard being without work you know. I don’t suppose you have any plans for getting the country back to work again do you? Maybe some support for those little businesses I mentioned?
Yours sincerely,
ExPFC.
Ps. I like that Judith woman. She seems to be able to give it to the drongo’s on the other side of the room down there in Wellington. Maybe check with her, she might have some good ideas.
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