Sir Bob Jones
nopunchespulled.com
There’s a quite extraordinary genius in our country, hitherto unknown but who has astonishing powers, currently going to waste. His name is Duncan Copley of Milford, Auckland.
Only a few days after the election, in a letter published in the New Zealand Herald, Duncan advised that, “a significant number of National voters voted Labour to prevent Labour being forced into introducing a wealth tax”.
Now almost 650,000 votes were cast for National so for Duncan to know what he wrote, in the 3-4 days between the election and publication of his letter, he must have personally grilled all 650,000. That’s unlikely, leaving the conclusion that plainly Duncan has extraordinary mental, if not divine powers, to automatically know what circa 650,000 were thinking.
While it’s of interest to have his insight on the election there are numerous more useful things he could tell us. For example, Duncan alone could support the whole nation by using his astonishing talents, in conjunction with Treasury providing the funds, to advise the results in advance of the thousands of horse races and other daily events on which gambling occurs world-wide. Treasury would place the bets on behalf of the nation and very soon we’d be the richest country on earth.
Given his amazing powers, it’s conceivable Duncan’s talents extends to the physical. If so, no longer will be there be a need to pick an All Black team. Instead, Duncan alone could run on to the field and doubtless single-handedly, score and convert try after try as he thrashed the Wallabies and all other opponents.
So too with cricket. Duncan with a stooge at the other end, by scoring a single off the last ball of each over so as to continue facing, could knock up a quick 500 off 15 or so overs then put the Aussies, Indians or whoever into bat, and bowl the lot out with 10 deliveries inside 3 overs. The stooge would of course bowl the second over.
It’s imperative that Duncan Copley be traced so as to put to use his extraordinary talents. The fate of the nation hangs on this.
The interesting question is why have we not heard of him hitherto? I think I have the answer.
For 2000 years Christian prosletyers have spoken of the imment Second Coming. Well bugger me, it seems it’s finally eventuated in the form of Duncan Copley and thus his powers are explainable by being divine.
End the lockdown and a million pilgrims will descend on Milford from across the world to seek out Duncan (sorry Jesus) to pay appropriate homage. The economic boost will be phenomenal.
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