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Et la Merde! French Fury over Subs Deal

The French putting on their war face. The BFD. Photoshop by Lushington Brady.

If you thought the Chinese were miffed at the AUKUS alliance, they’ve got nothing on the French.

Nobody throws a hissy-fit quite like the French. Gallic displays of outraged hauteur are almost as legendary as France’s ability to run up the white flag. So, when Australia said non to buying France’s crappy, over-priced subs in favour of good ol’ US of A nuclear-powered reliables, the French were quick to fart in both our general directions.

France canceled a gala celebrating French-U.S. relations after the Biden administration cut France out of a defense agreement with Australia, angering French officials.

Before you could say, “Cancel the canapés!”, French officials were stamping their feet and putting the Moët back in the boxes.

On Wednesday, the United States, Britain, and Australia announced a three-way military alliance to help Australia combat Chinese aggression in the region. The U.S. and Britain agreed to support Australia and aid it in building a fleet of nuclear-powered submarines. The three countries will also trade information on key technological advancements in areas such as artificial intelligence and long-range strike capabilities.

French officials reacted angrily to the deal, accusing the United States of stabbing it “in the back” for cutting France out of the deal and undermining a 2016 agreement France had negotiated with Australia. In 2016, France agreed to supply Australia with a fleet of diesel-powered submarines. While that deal is now defunct with the new U.S.-U.K.-Australian agreement, French officials have promised a legal battle over the 2016 deal.

Frankly, the Morrison government has dodged a bullet. Who, after all, would pay through the nose for a clunky Citroën when they could get their hands on a top-rate Mustang?

But, naturally miffed at missing out on all that Aussie gold, the French reacted with all the reserve of la vache enragée. The French Foreign Minister sputtered and twirled his no doubt impeccably pointy moustache and threw down his beret in rage.

“This brutal, unilateral and unpredictable decision reminds me a lot of what Mr. Trump used to do,” French Foreign Minister Jean-Yves Le Drian told franceinfo radio, according to Reuters. “I am angry and bitter. This isn’t done between allies.”

“It’s a stab in the back. We created a relationship of trust with Australia and that trust has been broken,” Le Drian said.

The Daily Wire

Sure, Froggy – and Australians remember how well France treated us in trade deals in the 90s.

BFD readers no doubt also have fond memories of France’s dealings in their own country.

The French are the last people who should be lecturing anyone about la duplicité.

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