Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
Warning
Satire
An unnamed Auckland man whose wife bought a set of personalized plates for his birthday to fit to his new Tesla is facing derision from his mates as well as the wider community.
“I chose the Tesla as it enabled me to show just how rich I am and just how much I care for the planet – all at the same time!” he boasted.
“The wife chose the plate with intention that others would understand that I was a true eco-leader and would aspire to be the ‘next seen’ in a Tesla.” Quickly adding “…though I guess hopefully not too many as that would make me less special”.
“She had to admit that it didn’t look so good once actually fitted to the car, but I’ve suffered a real pile-on from my so-called mates with one saying that it just makes me look like even more of a tosser than a regular Tesla driver.
“Worse has been the reaction from ‘new wave environmentalists’ who really do care about the planet and its people, and see the plate as a real slap in the face. Others need be warned that, no sooner than you buy one of these cars, you could be labelled an ‘eco terrorist’!
“Who knew that, although many mining companies ‘employ’ slaves and have minimal labour costs, EV batteries are so ludicrously expensive because you need to dig-up over 200 tonnes of the earth’s seabed/ crust using diesel engines to extract enough lithium, cobalt, nickel and copper for each EV battery? Then, ship these all around the world using diesel engines, then assemble them in fossil-fuel powered factories. On top of which, when you charge your car overnight, the electricity might be coming from a coal-fired power station. Or if not, a wind-farm, with even wider mining and land-use environmental impact, including the mass mincing of birds. Didn’t know that these are really coal and diesel fueled!
“I’m using the Dodge RAM I normally use to tow the ski boat and go on holidays in until I can get rid of this Tesla, and the plate with it. A bit shocked though at just how much these things depreciate – just as well I’m really rich!”
