Fritz, private secretary to Klouse (the K is silent) Swab, of the Wicked Eugenicist Fascists (WEF), cleared his throat in true secretarial fashion, to alert his despotic Führer to his presence in his office.
Klouse opened a bleary eye and used it to direct a baleful glare at Fritz.
“Vhat is it you are vanting Fritz?” Klouse growled. “I am in the meditations engaged. It had better be the news good to varrant this interruption to my rumnationen [ruminations]. I vas dreaming…rather planning, the methods of accomplishing the end of all the Kraftfahrzeuge [cars] in the vorld, and vhich manufacturer should be allowed to survive to provide the Fahrzeuge for ve special people. Not zat you vill be a car allowed Fritz. I’m afraid zat for the private secretaries zere vill not be the cars permitted. But you vill be issued vith a bicycle rather nice, you vill be so ecstatic to hear. Und you vill be so fit from your eighty kilometre ride to vork and back each day.”
Fritz forced a smile to his face. “Oh thank you so much sir,” he gulped. “I do have good news for you sir. Tempered with a little not so good news also.”
Klouse scowled. “Vhy is it zat the news good alvays has some of the bad vith it mixed, Fritz?” he snapped. “Give me the news good now.”
“Well sir,” replied Fritz, “the election results from that OurTearRoar place are in.”
Kouse sighed like a stiff Wellington southerly. “Zat is the country the most troublesome in the vorld, Fritz,” he grumbled. “Since the Ardeau woman appeared it has been nozzing but a pain in das Gesäß [buttocks, hindquarters, posterior]. If I could a plug pull and the place sink I swear I vould so do vizout hesitation.”
“Perhaps things are looking up a little, sir,” said Fritz. “The election day results show that the Chopkins fellow has been utterly defeated.”
Klouse perked up. “Völlig besiegt you say?” He emitted a noise much like the sound of a camel with severe flatulence. “The neck and the crop thrown avay? The whole sorry lot in zat party tossed avay from power? Zis is the news most beautiful Fritz. Stupid people are easy to control vhich is vhy I get so many of zem elected, but their stupidity other problems causes, as you vell know. And the airline fellow; is he the vinner as I planned?”
“At this stage he requires the Seemore fellow to prop him up, sir,” responded Fritz.
“Ah, but he is also vun of ours,” chortled Klouse, “so zere is no problem at all. Vhat else? I am for more news good eager, Fritz.”
“The Mouldy Tea Party has done quite well,” said Fritz, “and the green Marxists have improved a bit. But they will all be in opposition, it would seem.”
Klouse waved a dismissive hand. “Zis splendid is!” he cried. “Zese people who like to hold parties and drink the Mouldy tea can be disposed of easily at a later date. And of course the lunatic Marxists likewise.” A slightly apprehensive look appeared on his rather repugnant features. “But you said zat zere is some news not so good. Break it gently, Fritz, I am not liking the not so good news, as you are knowing.”
Fritz hesitated and then proceeded cautiously. “There are still special votes to be counted,” he said, and it is possible that the airline fellow will need to include another party in his government.”
Klouse’s face took on the constipated alpaca look which expressed great concern. “Uzzer party?” he cried, “What uzzer party? Zis is the first I of anozzer party am hearing.”
“I did mention the Winsome Putters person in the past, I am sure sir,” stated Fritz. “I believe that his party has gained seats. And if the airline fellow loses a seat or two, he may need to include them in his government.” He braced himself, knowing that Klouse would not like this. He was correct.
Klouse swelled like a bullfrog, and his face changed through a range of colours, ending with a particularly unattractive shade of purple. “Ah ja, I remember him,” he shouted. “Zis vas not in the plans Fritz. Zis Putters fellow is dangerous to our plans. He endorsed zat Ardeau creature in 2017. But now he is not believing in our plans for the vorld. He may cause to us damage. Do ve an assassination squad have in zat part of the vorld, Fritz?”
“I’m sorry sir,” said Fritz, “but you may recall that you sent them all to the USA to stalk the Crump man.”
Klouse attempted to find some hair to tear, but was unsuccessful. “Vell, ve vill haff to vait for the final result,” he growled. “Let us hope zat a miracle happens and he is not needed. Zose foolish people to vote for him. You can see vhy ve have to get rid of zem, Fritz. It is probably zose crazy people who did not like us to experiment on zem. How dare zey not enjoy myocarditis and zose uzzer effects on the side.”
“Yes, sir,” said Fritz. “Probably those are the people to blame. Those who dare to think for themselves.”
“I am angered, Fritz,” shouted Klouse. “I need to kick something. Is the cat here?”
“No sir,” said Fritz. “You have already kicked him today and he has not yet returned.”
“He vill return vhen he is hungry,” growled Klouse. “Vell, I must kick something. Get on the floor and say Miau, Fritz.”
“Of course sir,” said Fritz, obeying. “Meeee….ouch!”
