Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
Warning
Satire
At a carefully stage-managed event today catering for ‘selected’ media, a government spokes-polar bear announced that the government is set to achieve ‘net-zero’ by the end of its term in 2023.
“Building on the net-zero achievements of successive three-term Clark and Key governments, the current Labour government looks set to achieve the same zero result in an ‘astonishing’ two terms.”
“We’ve had to pull out all stops to achieve this though, as pesky capitalists have been trying to undermine us at every step with their innovations and efficiency drives. We needed to shut the whole country down a few times, and create a myriad of new rules and taxes, as well of course as jamming through race-based ‘restructuring’ of more or less everything to ensure that we cracked the elusive net-zero achievement nut.”
“We also realised early on that the only countries who have made any economic progress in the past 20 years are the ones which have built coal-fired power stations and/or tapped fossil-fuel reserves to ensure energy independence. Accordingly, we’ve done the exact opposite in order to achieve energy poverty which of course is an extremely important aspect of achieving nothing at all.”
Attendees for the most part shared glassy-eyed adulation for the content of the release – not to mention also for the beautiful white-coated spokes-polar bear. However on-site security brought proceedings to an abrupt end when an uninvited journalist remarked that, as the term ‘net-zero’ is generally associated by the public with carbon dioxide emissions, perhaps it was rather disingenuous of the government to conflate this with actually achieving nothing at all.
