In a Clown World, today’s satire is tomorrow’s news. Which is why leading satirists The Babylon Bee established a sister site, Not The Bee, to report real news that’s even more ridiculous than anything they could make up.
Because even the Bee couldn’t make up something as lunatic as the Australian Greens.
Standing in solidarity with Land Forces Expo protesters in Melbourne last week, Greens senator David Shoebridge masterfully executed an act of Orwellian doublethink while maintaining a straight face. The “core tenets” of his party, he insisted, are “peace and non-violence” […]
Rioters spat on police, sprayed acid in their direction, and pelted them with rocks, canned food, and manure. They even attacked police horses.
Twenty-seven officers were injured.
So much peace and non-violence.
The Australian’s ‘The Mocker’ went on to profile a ‘typical case’ of a Greens voter.
You live in the inner-city suburbs of East Melbourne or Sydney’s Inner West. Your partner, Julian, is a high-level public servant, and you are a senior academic responsible for developing new study programs in sociology.
Your vision of an egalitarian society is one in which “the rich pay their fair share”. You purport to speak for “the working class” but the only dealings you have with blue-collar workers is when you need a tradie […]
As with many of your fellow socialists, your financial portfolio is looking a peach. Although you own three investment properties, you write letters to the newspaper demanding the abolition of negative gearing – provided of course that comes with a grandfather clause.
Not looking at anyone, Adam Bandt, Mehreen Faruqi…
You take yourself so seriously you are almost devoid of humour. When you suggested to one of the parents at the local tennis club that it should acknowledge it was on unceded lands, he responded that it had grass courts. You still cannot work out if he was being serious or not […]
As an academic, you take pride in your intellectual superiority, but in reality you are incapable of entertaining an opposing view. You become flustered and defensive when you do not control the debate or the setting. At your high school reunion last year, you were shocked to hear women at your table say they would be voting No in the upcoming voice referendum. So distraught were you that you left the event early and had to pop an extra Valium to go to sleep.
Saving the planet, or rather showing others you are saving the planet, is your number one concern. You have just booked your second overseas holiday for this year and are a platinum jetsetter who would never settle for anything less than business class, but that’s okay because you purchase a carbon offset with every trip.
Hello, Izzy Cook!
You try to avoid catch-ups with extended family, for they do not share your tolerant and worldly views, as you repeatedly stress to understanding friends. Your sister Kate is a happy stay-at-home mum, and she rolls her eyes when you explain to her that she lives an “unfulfilled” life. You have not forgiven her husband, Gary, for laughing uproariously last Christmas lunch when Julian proudly spoke of being a “male ally in the roadmap to gender equality”.
That reaction was annoying enough, but what really grates is that Gary is a self-made man. Although you would never admit it, you think it unfair that someone who never went to university has more assets than you do.
There’s much more, of course, but we’ll leave it there and turn back to the real world, where the Greens are funnier than anything we could make up.
A Greens MP whose party has campaigned against fossil fuel projects has admitted her husband works for a company which invested $60 billion in a gas plant in Darwin Harbour.
During a radio interview, Kat McNamara was asked about her husband’s employment. She coyly answered that he is a contractor ‘at the site at INPEX’. That would be the massive fossil fuel project, then.
Inpex is the Japanese company that spent more than $60 billion building a gas plant in Darwin harbour to process LNG from its Ichthys field off the northwest Australian coast.
The project created more than 11,000 jobs during construction and continues to employ about 300 people.
But Ms McNamara’s party has campaigned to shut down new fossil fuel projects in the Northern Territory.
As always with the Greens, self-interest rules supreme.
“I’m never going to hold it against someone what they do for work to put food on the table for their family and I think we should all be on board with that.”
Because there’s nowhere else a rigger and welder can find work in Australia. Nor is a parliamentarian’s salary enough to keep a Green in the style to which they feel entitled.
Asked whether she was opposed to the Inpex development, Ms McNamara said:
“I’m certainly anti new gas developments, like absolutely this is a climate crisis, right?”
Do these idiots ever listen to themselves?
