WARNING!!!!!
Cigarette smoking, vaping, drinking alcohol and being a spineless, grovelling comrade citizen can be injurious to your health. Neither of the main characters in this book promote or endorse the aforementioned.
NOTE: Spelling and punctuation can be problematic for Nigel X. Fink, a product of the modern education sistem.
Non-judgmentalism would be appreciated.
MAIN CHARACTERS
Nigel X. Fink
His dad Dunk Fink
SECONDARY CHARACTERS
His mum Ms Fink
His gran
His grandad
Tane his bestest friend
Craig his London mate
Mercedes Fink his sister
Sharon his on/well off girlfriend
Class Swab social engineer remodelling the world
George Zeros billionaire social engineer remodelling the world
Bill Gates billionaire social engineer remodelling the world
Elon Musk his billionaire mate
BIT PLAYERS
Joe Biden puppet president of the USA
Donald Trump despised former President of the USA
Aunty Helen backroom string puller/ventriloquist, minor social engineer remodelling the world
John Sykes mall ram raider, apprentice GANGSTA
Prime Minister of Aotearoa, celeb SPIN QUEEN apprentice GLOBAL social engineer (uncredited)
Dedication
To the sheep of the world
Chapter One
Hey Gran
Thanks for the jumper. Sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner but so much has been going on.
The jumper. It’s the greatest birthday present ever!!!!!!
I loved the giraffe on the front. SO COOOL!!! I can report dad is settling in OK. Our flat is downstairs. Mercedes is in her room. I have a small room looking over the back garden. There’s an overgrown garden and a big walnut tree at the end of the garden. Have not heard from mum. She and dad are fighting over Diesel. Mum said it would break her heart to give Diesel up to a non-vaxxer, anti-climate changing slob like dad. We had McDonald’s tonight.
Nigel x
Hey babe Sharon,
I gave the jumper to Tane!!! Fear not sweet one I am STILL the coolest of the COOL!!!
How much longer do you have to deny me.
You shuning me torments my heart every night.
Tears fall in buckets on my pillow.
You are Taylor Swift and the lady with the funny grin Moaner someone, all wrapped into one.
You are an intoxicant who makes me DRUNK!!!
You are a VOLCANO!!!
Please, PLEASE send me some words …some crumbs from your table.
Please note I am being TEMPTED!!!
There are others, many others banging on my door day and night pleading with me, DESIRING ME!!! I am weakening.
I am only 13.
I cannot hold them off much longer.
Your passion filled pal FOREVER!!!!
Nige xxxxxxxxxxxxx
**#!!!!!@@@ off NIGEL! And don’t babe me!
Dear Nigel,
How dare your mother call Duncan a slob.
We raised Dunk to be a respectful member of the community and you know that.
Pity your mother doesn’t. I am so pleased the jumper has been a hit with you Nigel.
One of the ladies at the croquet club gave me the pattern.
You must wear it the next time I see you.
Your grandad and I could be down next week
That will be something to look forward to. I’m knitting another jumper, yellow and blue this time. It will be unisex so you and Mercedes can decide who wins to wear it.
Remember your father is a man of delicate disposition.
The cheek of your mother. I could go on but I won’t. You are still so young.
Your loving gran X
PS: Tell your father to serve you a good meal each evening – or I’ll be after him.
Hey Tane
Bestest friend. How goes the giraffe jumper! I NEED IT!!!!!
Hey man Nige. Not cool. Dad used it to wipe up some oil in the garage.
AAAAARGH!!!!!! Our friendship is smashed. I’m doomed. Death awaits. Don’t you know my gran?
Naw
Dear Elon
I could not find your email address but I found this one on one of your company websites.
I’m a highly promising entrepruner for the coming generation.
I am 13 years old but very wise and intelligent for my age. I go to a modest secondary school in a town in New Zealand, now called AOTEAROA the place with Maori who are going to govern the country soon with the government junior partners.
Our Maori have had a very hard time and are told by politicans the reason many of them are falling behind is because of colanisation and because they have been appressed ever since horrible white people and Christian missionaries came to the country with their terrible beliefs and diseases, destroyed their perfect existence, stole their land and converted them from cannonbalism and slavery and ripped them off for generation after generation.
It is an interesting little place and has a sweet woman prime minister with shiny teeth and a big grin who wants to end child povity tho it has got WORSE since she became PM.
HAW! HAW!
She says she and her government are our country’s single sauce of TRUTH.
My dad says she and her mates have surrounded themselves with an army of SPIN DOCTORS so we can’t get the truth.
HAW! HAW!.
Dear Mr Musk I know you are super busy but I have bold exciting ideas I would like to share with you. Please drop me a line as soon as you are free. It’s urgent. I’m signing off now Elon. Even entrepruners like us need sleep.
Yours in breaking new frontiers,
Nigel X Fink, southern entrepruner
Dear Gran
I have disturbing news. I hope it does not upset you but when I explain I am sure you will appreciate my profound generosity.
We had a mufti day so I wore the jumper to school this morning. In North Street I passed a small boy with a backpack and wearing worn out shoes.
He could not keep his eyes off the jumper.
He said he would give anything in the world to have a jumper like that.
He was such a poor little lad it tugged my heart strings. He looked as though he had not eaten any breakfast and his face was thin.
So Gran even though your super jumper was to big for him I took it off and gave it to the boy. He could not believe it!!!
His little eyes lit up.
I am sure you will understand and appreciate my generosity.
Your jumper has gone to a good home and made a little boy very happy. Lots of love to you and grandad.
Nigel x
PS: Mercedes says she will love to have the new jumper you are knitting. So I will reluctantly step to one side and not interfere with her desires.
Dear mum
Dad came home from work very glum. Said the wolf was at the door. I don’t know what he was on about. There was no one at the door and no wolf. He started to explain then said never mind slammed the door and stormed off in his car.
And?
He went to the supermarket and got some beer came back and sat in front of the TV and said he had been given the boot from the dog food factory after fifteen years and all the sweat he had put into that place helping build it up and coming up with the idea for their woof woof brand.
So there will be no more woof woof free dog food for Diesel. You better tell him. When do we get to see Diesel????
I wrote to Elon Musk.
We had KFC tonight.
Your estranged son Nigel
Nigel
You are not estranged and how do you know a word like that?
Dad told me
Could have guessed. Why has your father lost his job. Don’t tell me he refused the vaccine?
Yup. His boss said DAD COULD KILL OTHER PEOPLE and it was for dad’s protection that he should give up his FREEDOM TO CHOOSE and that individual HUMAN RIGHTS laws had to be ignored.
He said if dad persisted in being SELFISH in not being VAXXED then he was not meeting his obligations as an employee and he the boss had no other option than to fire dad in dad’s best interests to protect him and in the interests of his fellow workers, the company and our DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY!!!
I cant figure this stuff out!!
Dad says it is all about FEAR!!!!!!!!!!
FOLLOW ORDERS, COMPLY and get the jab or get the BULLET!!!
He was given a three page letter written up by a lawjer saying because the company was following the government’s imposed VAX TILL U DIE ORDER and dad was not obeying the VAX TILL U DIE ORDER the company had to sack him.
Tell him to get off his fat bum and get vaxxed. Covid is a disease of the unvaccinated.
Elon Musk. What’s that about?
I have big plans.
You’ve got to get school cert first Nigel. He’s little bit out of your league.
Mr Wainwright said at school you’ve got to dream to make dreams come true and Elon is interested.
Has he replied?
Not exactly but he is very busy. We don’t have to wear masks at school!!!
Is your father feeding you properly?
Sort of.
I’ll send some recipes.
How’s Diesel?
Fine, he’s waving his paw at you now.
