WARNING!!!!!
Cigarette smoking, vaping, drinking alcohol and being a spineless, grovelling comrade citizen can be injurious to your health. Neither of the main characters in this book promote or endorse the aforementioned.
NOTE: Spelling and punctuation can be problematic for Nigel X. Fink, a product of the modern education sistem.
Non-judgmentalism would be appreciated.
MAIN CHARACTERS
Nigel X. Fink
His dad Dunk Fink
SECONDARY CHARACTERS
His mum Ms Fink
His gran
His grandad
Tane his bestest friend
Craig his London mate
Mercedes Fink his sister
Sharon his on/well off girlfriend
Class Swab social engineer remodelling the world
George Zeros billionaire social engineer remodelling the world
Bill Gates billionaire social engineer remodelling the world
Elon Musk his billionaire mate
BIT PLAYERS
Joe Biden puppet president of the USA
Donald Trump despised former President of the USA
Aunty Helen backroom string puller/ventriloquist, minor social engineer remodelling the world
John Sykes mall ram raider, apprentice GANGSTA
Prime Minister of Aotearoa, celeb SPIN QUEEN apprentice GLOBAL social engineer (uncredited)
Dedication
To the sheep of the world
Chapter Six
Tane
Gran and grandad have gone home and left me and dad though they may come back.
We can’t afford MacDonalds any more.
The last three nights it has been eggs and spuds, then mashed spuds and eggs, then spuds with chopped onion and eggs.
I’ll end up looking like either a SPUD or an EGG!!!
Dad says when there’s an egg in the house there’s a meal in the house and that we have to ration power.
So we do not have the heater on.
He boils the hot water jug and tells me to fill hot water bottles and wear them down my jumper.
He got one job clearing the spouting of the Wallaces, an old couple over the road.
Water had been overflowing because of heavy rain.
They paid him with afternoon tea!!
He said he was so fed up he went into a church and tried to say a prayer.
Then a man came in the church and said he had just arrived in town and had no money tho he was starting a job in two days time.
Dad said why don’t you get your boss to give you some money.
The man said his boss would not do that.
What about the vicar dad asked. Had he gone to her house.
The man said the vicar said she was so hard up she could only give him some rice and tinned spagetti.
Dad calls the churches GOD BOTHERERS and says half of them do not believe what you think they are supposed to believe and love to water things down.
He says there are WACKOS among them but most are harmless and just like doing social work and are not bothered about boring spiritual stuff but are more interested in staying onside and not offending or upsetting anyone and saving the planet rather than soles whatever they are so it is irelevant reading a book called the BIBLE or thinking there might be someone up there who is going to judge us or some dude trying to drag us down there.
THE DEVIL!!!!
HAW! HAW!
He says THE DEVIL DOESN’T EXIST!!!
And that weird pope dude in the dress is like one of us now and we dont need a list of things like COMMANDMENTS or rules.
People make up MORILS as they go along whether they want to smoke or not and heaven exists but we dont need religion to get there or know about that dude on the cross JESUS cos most of us know almost everything and are nearly perfect anyway and will go to heaven apart from PUTIN and an old guy named ADOLF HITLER.
He says some of these religion cranks have got SKELETONS IN THEIR CLOSETS as well.
WEIRD!!!
And they are scared they will be taken to cort and sewed so they are INVISIBLE and to scared to say BOO!!!
So this dude asked dad for money.
He needed $55 to rent a room for the night and some money for petrol and food.
Dad took him to an ATM machine and gave him $100!!!!
I think my dad could be A LOSER!!
Sharon
SWEET ONE!! Are we still on the same page?
Are our hearts still beating as one?
Nigel
They never have!
Remember EL PASO 4 o’clock Wednesday.
BE THERE!
Elon
My life is increasing with what that ancient poet said was the slingshots and arrows of unfortunate misfortune.
My creative super abundint energy output has dropped off due to various unforeseen circumstances outside my personal control and personal issues but like the Fenix it will rise again.
I am now building my physical strength to match my mental power.
Elon, buddy please be patient with me.
Nige,
Your bold young entrepruner mate from Down Under
Tane
I think dad still has a soft spot for Charmaine.
He and some of his mates went to watch Charmaine and the Gals from Hell’s Kitchen.
The Gals were playing the Goal Diggers.
The Goal Diggers were giving the Gals a hell of a time and dad was pushed by his mates to try and upset them.
They were drinking beer on the sidelines.
Dad and his mates that is.
One of his mates says dad would not have the you know what to do it.
That was a red rag to dad.
He took off his clothes and what does he do?
A STREAK right IN FRONT of the main grandstand!!!!
My dad showed incredible athletism hurdling a flag on the touchline.
YOU SHOULDA SEEN IT!!
It was OARSOME!!!!!
There was a big OOOOHHHH! from the crowd over that!!
A rugby official ran after him and tackled him and they were splattered in mud.
Two others held dad while the referee held a kicking tee in front of dads you know what as they frog-marched him off the ground.
He has been banned from the club and could be banned from every rugby game in town.
They say he has brought the game into DISREPUTE and did he not realise there were young children present who had never seen a adult naked body (who are they kidding, don’t they know its all over the internet) and they were there to watch a game of rugby not to have a lesson on male anatomy. He has been threatened with being charged with indecent exposure.
He says his body is a temple and totally decent and they are just discriminating against him because he is an anti the VAX TILL U DIE jabs.
HIS BODY IS NOW ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA AS WELL!!!
CREEPY!!!
Some people posted comments they did not mind him being naked.
But THEY SAID IT WAS DISGUSTING HE WAS NOT WEARING A MASK!!!
HAW! HAW!
When I told dad he said our lovely prime minister who is loved by everyone outside Aotearoa and is our sole sauce of truth tells us we all should keep wearing masks posted a pic on social media of her with the governor general, a bunch of MPs and over 100 youth MPs in parliament and – ONLY ONE WAS WEARING A MASK and it WASN’T THE PM!!!!
HIPPOCRITS!!!
Craig
The landlord came around today.
He is a rich excentric.
He has so much money he sleeps in every day and eats cakes a lot.
I have seen him go in the bakers shop nearly every week.
He must have slept in again. He had his jacket on over his peejama coat.
He says he has hired someone to cut down the walnut tree and he will have to increase the rent.
Dunk the Happy Handyman is now going door to door to try and find clients.
He says people keep saying, haven’t I seen you before.
The streak has made him famous.
He reckons one woman offered to pay for a photoshoot of his sculpstired body but I think he is having me on about that.
Tane
The rent has gone up another thirty bucks a week so the landlord can EAT MORE CAKES!!!! Oh yeah that dude dad gave 100 bucks to. There was a notice in a local rag that this guy was going round town fleecing SUCKERS!!!
Dad says when the van is repaired he might sell it because petrol is so expensive. He is thinking of buying a motorbike with a trailer.
He asked me if I could be any good at busking.
Sharon says she is stressing big time over our carbon emissions and it is keeping her awake at nights. I said I went to sleep dreaming of her.
All she said was Our Environment is DOOMED Unless we ACT!
WE ARE NOT DOING ENOUGH!!!
I said I know we are not doing enough.
She said about EMISSIONS! EMISSIONS! You FOOL!!!
Our relationship is being tested Tane!!!
I watched Prince Harry on the TV.
He is extremely worried by climate change and greenhouse emissions and he is flying around the world in his private jet saying so.
HIPPOCRIT!!
He should be on a pushbike and taking PUBLIC TRANSPORT!!!
And Kylie Jenner uses her jet to MAKE THREE MINUTE TRIPS!!!
These people are CLOWNS and FRAUDS!!!
