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How Did the Apostles Meet Their Maker?

As anyone who’s endured Mel Gibson’s pious snuff-movie, The Passion of the Christ, knows, Jesus died a brutally violent death. But the majority of his disciples didn’t get off much easier. Of the 12 apostles, 10 died violent deaths. Some of them, extremely violent.

First off the mortal coil was, of course, the arch-betrayer, Judas Iscariot. Accounts of his death vary, from guilt-ridden suicide to the more gruesome story of the Potter’s Field, which he bought with his infamous 30 pieces of silver. According to the book of Acts, he “fell headlong… burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out”. The Gospel of John agrees with both: after hanging himself, his rotted corpse slipped from the rope and burst.

An account by early church father, Papias of Hierapolis, states that, afflicted by God’s wrath, Judas’ body became enormously bloated, his face swelled until his eyes were hidden, and his genitals became swollen and oozed pus and worms. Somewhat understandably, then, he killed himself in the Potter’s Field: a century later, the ground still stank so badly that people couldn’t pass without holding their noses.

The path to martyrdom for Judas’ former companions was often even more brutal.

Peter was crucified in Rome, decades later. Because Peter refused to die in the same manner as Jesus, the Romans crucified him upside-down instead. He likely died of a brain haemorrhage.

Andrew also died by crufixion.

Unlike Jesus, Andrew was not nailed to a cross. Instead, he was tied to one. This might not sound as cruel as being nailed, but in fact it prolongs suffering.

It is estimated that Andrew was in agony for two days and two nights, until he finally passed away.

It is said that Philip was crucified, though accounts dispute whether he was tied, like Andrew.

Matthew and Thomas were both stabbed to death.

This is indeed a painful and potentially slow death, depending on whether the disciple died from organ failure or blood loss […] Thomas is said to have been speared by soldiers multiple times.

The first James, dubbed “the Great”, got off almost easily by comparison, being decapitated. Jude was likewise axed to death, hence his common depiction carrying an axe. Matthias was likely beheaded, though some say he was stoned to death.

Along with the ignominy of being known as “the Less”, the second James was also stoned – and then clubbed, for good measure.

After the stoning, James’ bones, including his skull, were smashed brutally with a club until he lost consciousness and eventually died.

The other two martyrdoms, though, are possibly the most gruesome. Simon the Zealot was sawn in half.

But, a bit like the old man in the dungeon in The Life of Brian, Bartholomew would no doubt scoff, Oh, look at that! Bloody favouritism.

Legend has it that he had a very painful death.

This disciple was skinned alive! Truly a tortuous and extremely painful way to die.

Bartholomew is said to have been decapitated after, but he was likely either in shock from the torture or already unconscious when he was beheaded.

MSN

Probably slipped the jailer a few shekels.

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