Information
Satire
New Zealanders have had a choice whether or not to get a Covid-19 vaccine. Kiwis were not rushed into the decision and each had time to consider what they wanted to do. The internet was searched for information. Most Kiwis accepted the advice given by Jacinda Ardern that having the vaccine was the right thing to do.
The Prime Minister was pleased when the vaccines arrived in New Zealand. The timing was excellent, and millions of people willingly took her up on her kind offer to have a free vaccine.
It came as a surprise that some New Zealanders did not want the vaccine. This was despite Ardern’s reassurances that it was the best thing since sliced bread. This hesitancy particularly shocked the vaccinated Kiwis. Ardern was in the unenviable position of figuring out what to do about this situation. It was a difficult problem as she had promised that the vaccine would not be mandated, nor would she ever impose a penalty if you did not have it.
The Prime Minister grappled with having to do an about-turn on her promise. It was an exceedingly embarrassing decision to say one thing to the public, then have to say the opposite.
Bravely she told New Zealand that all teachers and health workers had to have the vaccine by Friday the 3rd of December or the unvaccinated would be unemployed.
The PM went even further to keep us safe and barred all unvaccinated Kiwis from choirs, gyms, pools, libraries, hairdressers and places of worship. She seemed particularly sad to tell them that they were no longer welcome in cafés or restaurants either.
She explained that barring the unvaccinated from all the things that they enjoy would keep vaccinated people safe from the virus. There was a collective sigh of relief among the vaccinated community and praise for the Prime Minister’s leadership as she brushed away a tear.
But more sensible tips were necessary to be completely safe. The vaccinated realised that a small number of unvaccinated people still walked among them and, worse still, might even be living next door. It was too close for comfort.
Fortunately, a vaccinated person has taken it upon themselves to pen a letter full of helpful advice with some ground rules for their unvaccinated next-door neighbours. Unsurprisingly these exemplar guidelines have gone viral when shared on social media.
Soooooo we have a scary person living only about 50 metres away.
You.
As one of the unvaxxed could you kindly please advise us when you are working in the garden, so that the spread of nasties that come from your mouth and nose, can be stopped by our tightly closed windows, and further held back by our aircon going flat out to raise the air pressure inside the house?
I am sure that you will be happy to contribute towards our hugely inflated power bill, caused by this wise safety precaution since you are the reason why we have to take it in the first place.
Be reassured that you are not alone. We know many outcasts like you.
Naturally we applaud Cindy the Benevolent, for graciously creating an underclass in NZ for our safety and who better to represent the underclass than you?
Be proud, stand straight and tall, beside Bishop Brian Tamaki. What a formidable lineup. A coalition of vaccination opposers!
I must warn you however that I will not bail you out, if you get arrested. No. You will have to post your own bail. But we will give you a nice cup of tea when they let you out. In fact you are welcome to come for one, anytime after we have completed the airlock and intercom system for the sterile space we are building for you, to allow you to visit.
The special misting device at the front door is up and running, so we can feel confident that you are fully disinfected before you enter our home. So you and your covid nasties are welcome at anytime.
This all fits comfortably with our philosophy regarding death, end of life, carking it, kicking the bucket, or merely wandering off this mortal coil – you can only die once, after all, and for you it will happen sooner rather than later.
So come anytime. Know that you are welcome. We of course will be in full Hazmat gear, and fully armed, just in case you try any funny stuff. (Just kidding. We don’t have any guns – the gangs have them all)
Merry Christmas, One and All, vaccinated and unvaccinated.
