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We all know that the Ardern government has been making everything up as they go along for the last four years. This week’s changing of traffic light settings to Orange, which isn’t the same as the old Orange, is a case in point, but other unheralded changes are going on as well.
Almost a year ago, as a public service announcement, I advised you all of the secret mask exemption that was available to all simply by saying the words “I am exempt”. That story can be found here but be warned, it includes less than flattering pictures of ‘That Woman’.
Of course, by duckshoving the ‘exemption cards’ (that you didn’t need to carry) to the good folk at the Disabled People’s Association, they kind of washed their hands of it.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the DPA were only trying to do the best by their people, had never wanted to be tasked with cleaning up another of Labour’s cluster whatsits and had probably been trying to get out of it ever since.
Well, it seems that this has come to pass, with a similarly unheralded change in policy from your Labour government servants.
Welcome then, to the new and improved mask exemption service from the Ministry of Health. But wait, you may recall last year that I was poking fun at Labour for the mask exemption having no logic, no ‘science‘ and no rationality behind it, basically being open to anyone who decided they were exempt (a fact that I have whole-heartedly used to my personal advantage for the last year).
Well, guess what? It’s now even easier to get your ‘mask exemption’ card. Well, it’s not actually called that anymore, of course, as this is a Labour government we are talking about, so some consultants had to be paid to come up with a snappy new name and get the website up and running. It’s now called, wait for it, a Face Cover Communication Card!
No, it’s not April 1st, this is a real thing. As I said, there is even a webpage for it. You can start the whole, very simple procedure for yourself right here.
The best part is that the new mask exemption, sorry Communication Card, is literally available to all. They have included a simple tickbox affair for you to pick from any number of mild ailments that you may decide, without any sort of proof, that you are suffering from!
So roll up, roll up, pick a condition, every player gets a prize. What will you be suffering from today? Do you get the odd bout of ‘tiredness’, maybe ‘dry eyes’, wear contact lenses, or maybe just have a little eczema somewhere on your body?
If none of these fit your current state of disrepair, you can just click ‘none of these apply to me’ and you don’t even have to explain anything! Apparently you can even just be ‘a victim of a crime‘!
What happens when you click on any of these boxes is you are taken to a screen that tells you why you are delusional, how to get over said delusions in the hope that you won’t actually decide to go ahead with getting your Commie Card (I have shortened it for you to make it easier) but you can ignore all of that and click that you still want one. You then fill in your email address, and your postal address if you want a physical card (you do, so you can hang it around your neck to keep the mask police at the airport away).
Hilariously, I have just applied for a Commie Card for my long-suffering wife that says she has a ‘Mental Illness’. I shall let you know if I survive.
You may note of course the top line of the first screenshot above, that there is NO legal requirement to carry a Communication Card. Likewise, the webpage even tells you that a business can’t ask about your personal issues.
While it is inappropriate for a business owner or employee to enquire about the nature of your disability or condition, it is reasonable for them to ask if there is a reason why you are not wearing a face mask.
health.govt.nz
Of course, the answer to any question about the nature of your issue would be “None of your bloody business”, quickly followed by “Aunty Cindy said you can’t ask me that and as we all know, she is the One True Source of Truth, PBUH”.
And of course, if the supposedly totally legitimate question, ‘Is there a reason why you are not wearing a face mask’ comes up, the answer could simply be “Yes“, quickly followed by the previous answer about minding one’s own business, should they enquire further.
So there you have it, mask exemptions are now even easier to claim, jump online today and put your application in, either via the Website of Truth, which has a little more information as to why you don’t need a mask, or direct at the Ministry of Health website as described above.
Oh, and while you’re filling in forms on the Interweb, don’t forget to pop over to the merch store to grab yourself a cool T.shirt so you can leave that shop owner with no false impression about what you think of their mask edicts.
