Another tiring day, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually in our/my troubled times. A couple of wines with dinner and by 9.30, that’s it… bed beckons.
A few pages of my book as per usual, and then head down… not too long before it’s Zzzzzzzzz…
Suddenly I’m awake. Instinctively I look at the clock (why, I don’t know). It’s 1.30 am, or 2.30 or somewhere in that vicinity.
OK, no worries, the head goes back down and I try to regain the state of blissful, brain-switched-off sleep. And that’s when it goes pear-shaped; the brain will NOT switch off again. Obviously, having had a few hours to recharge, it’s all set and rearing to go again, gleefully but maliciously reminding me of all the things that had made me so damn tired earlier on…
God, mum was so upset today when I saw her in the dementia unit… having delusions for Africa now, and thinks that the carers are running an escort service that involves the residents. I hope that after I spoke to the nurses, and in conjunction with the GP, they might be able to find a way to use the appropriate anti-psychotic medication without making her very groggy.. a constant juggle, and just the thought of this latest development in the dementia experience is causing my stomach to clench…. again. Hope the kids are/will be OK too, with all their own stuff…
Right.. ENOUGH! Turn over, on my back and focus on my breathing… In…(feel it)… out..(feel it) and keep repeating. Yep, that’s helping a little. Now, what’s the other one? Feel each part of your body getting heavy as if it’s sinking into the mattress… that’s helping too. Eyes closed… look at the patterns appearing and disappearing behind the eyelids… Ah yes, that’s better…but alas, only for a short while.
“So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye”… That goodnight song from the “Sound of Music” is a sudden earworm, for some reason. My brain is determined to make me visualise the scene where all the children line up, do a funny little dance and one by one, say goodnight and go off to bed. What were those kids’ names again? Oh yes, Liesl (I’m 16 and I don’t need a governess), Friedrich, Brigitta, (the blonde girl?) then Kurt, followed by Louisa (Angela Cartwright, the actress, also in that series “Lost in Space” where the setting was so stagey, and the crazy robot was always shouting out sudden warnings about “aliens approaching”.)
OK, back to the next child…
STOP IT !!
Focus on the breathing and feeling heavy.. change position and try again… Actually I’m wrong… the blonde girl wasn’t Brigitta – she was Louisa I think, and Angela Cartwright was Brigitta. So then, there are only two other little ones – Marta and Gretel. Right, that’s done. Funny that they all had American accents… And that oldest girl was actually openly flirting in reality with Christopher Plummer, off set… kinda spoils the magic a bit…
Oh for God’s sake, SWITCH OFF !!!
Change position again – right side this time, being my usual and most comfortable one…
What was the name of that TV series (movie) about the famous British official executioner/hangman? Timothy Spall played the part I think…. Did his name start with a “P”?
P- what? Was it “Pa… something”? I go through the alphabet hoping that something will pop into my mind suddenly… no luck. I change position yet again and look at the clock, which now says 4.45. DAMMIT!
Right, I need to get up now to go to the toilet and get some water. Grab a blanket and my book and head into the lounge to try reading again until my eyes get heavy…
6 a.m. comes around before too long and I think I’m ready to try going to bed again. This time, finally, it works and I eventually come to at around 9 a.m or so. Luckily, as a now-retired person, I don’t have the added stress of having to be up early to go to a job, but another day in paradise has dawned nonetheless.
How will mum be today? What’s the latest about this bloody virus and why is that all we hear? Will we ever be back to a Level 1 state again?
Maybe I should write another article for the BFD.
