Now That the Lord Mayor’s Show Is Over…

Rod Kane

…Comes the shirt cart, so they say.

As for the coro in the Abbey itself, I doubt I have ever seen anything so interminably boring and dated in all my life. That was the whole point, I guess, and yes there is a big place for tradition there, especially when you have countries like New Zealand trying to tear down the very fabric of democracy and human rights. But, come on, 2023 and here we have a man my age wearing ridiculous crowns and passing around orbs and sticks and swords while getting a good smearing of oil behind a fancy doctor’s screen.

Not to mention what the crowd must have thought after three hours or more of it. Most were as ancient as the traditions themselves and I can just imagine the brawls outside the public lavatories within running and cross-legged hobbling distances as Chas’s bum vanished into the coach. “I got here first!” … “Yes, but I’ve already started!” That sort of thing.

But I have to give it to them, both Chas and Camilla get the Guinness Book of Records first prize for going the longest time totally po-faced and deadpan. They get the mortician’s trophy for that as well. That was nothing short of impressive.

I noted he was wearing Mike Hosking shoes too. Good one Mike.

So much for the coro. It has to be said though, that nobody does pomp and circumstance like the Poms. Hell, they even have a march called that, and a damned fine one too.

The military march and the massed bands on the way back to the party were beyond description, and even if you aren’t a monarchist this was a once-in-a-lifetime viewing spectacle of outstanding precision and majesty. Nobody fainted, nobody blew a wrong note, and yes they weren’t carting around portable loos on handcarts either.

I have no idea why they invited socialists along to a bash like that.

Sending some socialist/tribalist country wrecker like Chumpy to a monarchist show is like sending Adolf Hitler along to a bar mitzvah.

Same for the Maori King and all his hangers-on. Here is a man grasping, with all that his fat grubby hands can hold, all the trappings from another culture, one that he continually denigrates, while claiming that he and his tribe ‘own’ our water.

I believe the taxpayer pays something like $27 million (I welcome being corrected if wrong) a year for them to do what exactly? Do they filter it or pump it? Nope. Water isn’t manufactured by them. Even if, by some weird cranking of the law, they own the riverbed, the water comes from the sky. End of story. These people are divisive and greedy and they are just getting into gear. Trust me on that.

To be outraged because Goff forgot to do some out-of-place chant and acknowledge the Maori Kings’ own coronation is, well, who cares? Surely Goff was referring to nobody attending a British monarch’s coronation, but no doubt the mongrels will want a public apology and some massive handout to make them all feel a bit more important and slightly less aggrieved…for now.

On the plus side, they didn’t send either of the lunatics from the mad hatter party.

This clown, now not so obese after his stapling job, no doubt done in the best Maori traditions using Maori science, had the gall to suggest that the new King, at his coronation, should make a speech apologising to all the ‘indigenous’ people for what his forebears allegedly did two hundred plus years ago.

Since no Maori is indigenous, and they speared rather than spared the people before them, I can’t see the point. However, it does need to be said that this fool should actually have sent a letter of thanks to the King for coming down to New Zealand and stopping – sort of – the carnage, the genocide, infanticide, slavery and cannibalism, and instead bringing to Maori peace and all the good things of modern science that Maori never had.

The fact is, if the stapled mad hatter and his equally insane off-sider had existed back in the early 1800s, both of them would have been the filling for a tribal-size pork pie. But it would have been bitter, half-baked, lukewarm, and of course it would have been someone else’s fault.

And now he wants to be King-maker.

I don’t think so.