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Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
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Satire
An insider source has revealed today that the NZ Labour Party is working on plans to rebrand itself ‘well ahead’ of the next election.
“Look, just the word ‘Labour’ reeks of hard work, and risks alienating our core base. The ‘NZ’ part needs to go also as weAotearoansAotearoaensAotearuinz just need to move on from all aspects of our colonial past. Finally, our polling of younger voters has revealed that branding related to especially to nature would allow them to feel ‘safer’ in their choice of which party to support.”
“Our team has been brainstorming names and logos for some weeks and eventually settled on a theme, based on puppies, that epitomises nature and trust and cuteness. Adding a multi-cultural element we came up early-on with the name ‘Mongrel Mob’ but someone said that was already taken and in fact, they were our ‘besties’ (oops).”
“We’ve finally settled then on the name “Traitorous Dogs” as best reflecting who were are, while hanging-on as best as we could to the puppy theme. We’re a remarkably cohesive team within the Labour Caucus and absolutely everyone is just as keen to get in front of the electorate with the new branding, as they have been to unanimously support our ludicrous policy agenda.”
Labour fully expect that the new branding will build on their long list of popular successes and propel them to take all the seats in parliament in 2023, and following further ‘tweaks’ to the election system.
Casting a shadow on the stated reason for the name change, some keen observers have suggested that the name change may instead be primarily tied to a recent GNS Science warning that all of the Labour-supporters and Returned Serviceman of yore currently rolling in their graves was threatening to trigger a rupture in the Alpine Fault, which would basically wipe out the whole country.
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