Parliament Really Is a Whorehouse

Kerry Packer famously told Australia’s parliament that, “Anybody in this country who does not minimise his tax wants his head read. I can tell you as a government that you are not spending it so well that we should be donating extra”. New revelations about the antics of some of our small army of taxpayer-funded bureaucrats must surely have many Australians wondering if they can get a refund. It appears that our parliament is less a nest of vipers than something like a cross between a brothel and a primary school sandpit.

But, as always with political scandals, the reek of hypocrisy is perhaps even more nauseating than the accusations being flung about by the finger-pointers.

Scott Morrison has lashed out over the “disgusting and sickening” reports of male senior government staff performing sex acts inside Parliament House in Canberra.

The Prime Minister said it was “not good enough” and “totally unacceptable” after the graphic images and videos of staff performing lewd acts — in one instance, on the desk of a female MP — were shared with Network 10.

“The people who come to work in this building are better than this,” Mr Morrison said in a statement.

And now let’s see if you can spot the hypocrisy.

Now, another Parliament House insider has come forward under the condition of anonymity, telling 10’s Political Editor Peter van Onselen that “the culture needs to change”.

“Now is the time to speak up, now is the time to put it on the record. It is a culture of men thinking that they can do whatever they want,” the man, identified only as Tom, said.

He provided the network with a number of photographs and videos recorded inside Parliament House, depicting male staff proudly filming themselves while engaged in blatant sex acts […]

Tom also revealed that a group of coalition staffers routinely swap explicit photos of themselves, saying that he has “received so many that I’ve just become immune to it”.

Government staffers and even MPs would also often use a small room on the upper level of Parliament House – known as the prayer or meditation room – as a place to have “a lot” of sex.

Note that last line? Unless parliament is some sort of taxpayer-funded, year-round after-party for the Gay Mardi Gras, “a lot of sex” necessarily involves a lot of women. So, it’s not just a “man problem”, it seems.

Naturally, no show of stinking duplicity is complete without Labor shoving their hypocritical oar in.

Kristina Keneally, Labor’s home affairs spokeswoman, told The Australian the behaviour was “disgusting, degrading and utterly disrespectful of female Members of Parliament”.

Hmm. Anyone remember when a female Coalition MP accused a senior Labor politician of having a revolving door of female staffers? How about when Labor went to an election with a leader under investigation for an alleged rape? Then there was a state Labor minister who stood on a couch and rubbed himself against a female MP, while boasting to her daughter, “I’m titty-fucking your mother!”

It’s not the first time parliamentary desks have been in the news, either. Hawke government minister John Brown confessed to shagging his wife on former PM John Curtin’s old desk. At least it was actually his wife, I suppose.

But, even worse than staffers jacking off in parliament after dark, is the latest scandal surrounding Fair Work Commission deputy president Gerard Boyce.

Boyce has been referred to NSW police for setting off firecrackers during a post-Christmas party staff gathering on the tribunal’s office balcony in Sydney.

The Australian can reveal Fair Work general manager Bernadette O’Neill has referred Mr Boyce’s conduct to NSW police after he let off two “throwdown” firecrackers at a staff get-together in December.

Yes, throwdowns. Those little paper packets that let off a sad little pop when you throw them on the ground. Not just one, but two of them! The horror.

This is not the first time Boyce has run afoul of the puritanical finger-waggers. Last year, he was investigated for the heinous crime of being a weeaboo.

Last year, Mr Boyce was forced to remove his collection of Anime-style female figurines, including at least one that was “scantily clad”, from his chambers after complaints from staff and intervention by senior colleagues.

The Australian

They were complaining about Black Widow and Harley Quinn. Boyce promptly replaced them with a life-size cutout of Donald Trump. Which might lead one to suspect that Boyce’s real crime is being a conservative in what’s supposed to be another safely leftist quango.

Whether it’s rubbing one out on a desk or whining about collectible action figures, these people have too much taxpayer-funded time on their hands.

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