Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
Warning
Satire
The role of satirists in adding fresh perspective to current events has become steadily more difficult with government connivance and ineptitude ever-increasing and running now at all-time highs.
Simply; with truth now stranger than fiction, the daily news is itself routinely looking like satire.
With Government and opposition characters universally presenting as newspeaking, bumbling fools, the police looking like Keystone Cops, and woke madness normalised, the space for the hardworking satirist has narrowed considerably with one remarking “It’s becoming hard to shake the feeling that the government is attacking satirists directly – just by being so wacky..”
Conspiracy Theorists have even floated the possibility that the Government itself has hired satirists to shape public policy, with the final straw for satirists ‘in the wild’ being the passing of the Plain Language Act 2022 as the New Zealand Government renames itself “Te Kawanatanga O Aotearoa”.
“Writing satire about this should be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, but it’s all so blatantly stupid, we just don’t know where to start!”
Helpfully, Te Kawanatanga O Aotearoa Plain Language Officers have already swung into action with translations of the names of various Government Departments and entities so that the 96% of the population who are not fluent in Maori can find their way around, as follows:
Government Departments
Te Tari Ture o te Karauna | Crown Law Office
Te Papa Atawhai | Department of Conservation
Ara Poutama Aotearoa | Department of Corrections
Te Tari Taiwhenua | Department of Internal Affairs
Te Tari o te Pirimia me te Komiti Matua | Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet
Te Tari Arotake Matauranga | Education Review Office
Te Tira Tiaki | Government Communications Security Bureau
Te Tari Taake | Inland Revenue Department
Toitu Te Whenua | Land Information New Zealand
Manatu Taonga | Ministry for Culture and Heritage
Te Manatu mo Nga Iwi o te Moana-nui-a-Kiwa | Ministry for Pacific Peoples
Manatu Ahu Matua | Ministry for Primary Industries
Manatu Mo Te Taiao | Ministry for the Environment
Manatu Wahine | Ministry for Women
Hikina Whakatutuki | Ministry of Business, Innovation, and Employment
Manatu Kaupapa Waonga | Ministry of Defence
Te Tahuhu o te Matauranga | Ministry of Education
Manatu Aorere | Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade
Manatu Hauora | Ministry of Health
Te Tuapapa Kura Kainga | Ministry of Housing and Urban Development
Te Tahu o te Ture | Ministry of Justice
Te Puni Kokiri | Ministry of Maori Development
Te Manatu Whakahiato Ora | Ministry of Social Development
Te Manatu Waka | Ministry of Transport
Te Mana Arai o Aotearoa | New Zealand Customs Service
Te Pa Whakamarumaru | New Zealand Security Intelligence Service
Oranga Tamariki | Ministry for Children
Te Kawa Mataaho | Public Service Commission
Te Tari Hara Taware | Serious Fraud Office
Tatauranga Aotearoa | Stats NZ
Te Tai Ohanga | The Treasury
Departmental agencies
Te Aho o Te Kahu | Cancer Control Agency
Te Rakau Whakamarumaru | National Emergency Management Agency
Te Tari Matawaka | Ministry for Ethnic Communities
Whaikaha | Ministry of Disabled People
Te Arawhiti | Office for Maori Crown Relations
Toi Hau Tangata | Social Wellbeing Agency
Nga tari Ratonga Tumatanui-kore | Non-Public Service departments
Te Ope Katua o Aotearoa | New Zealand Defence Force
Nga Pirihimana o Aotearoa | New Zealand Police
Te Tari Tohutohu Paremata | Parliamentary Counsel Office
Nga hinonga Karauna | Crown entities
Te Kaporeihana Awhina Hunga Whara | Accident Compensation Corporation
Callaghan Innovation | Callaghan Innovation
Te Mana Rererangi Tumatanui o Aotearoa | Civil Aviation Authority
Komihana Ruwhenua | Earthquake Commission
Manapou ki te Ao | Education New Zealand
Te Tari Tiaki Pungao | Energy Efficiency and Conservation Authority
Te Mana Rauhi Taiao | Environmental Protection Authority
Fire and Emergency New Zealand | Fire and Emergency New Zealand
Hauora Aotearoa | Health New Zealand
Kupu Taurangi Hauora o Aotearoa | Health Quality & Safety Commission
Health Research Council of New Zealand | Health Research Council of New Zealand
Kainga Ora – Homes and Communities
No te rere moana Aotearoa | Maritime New Zealand
Antarctica New Zealand (New Zealand Antarctic Institute)
Te Ratonga Toto O Aotearoa | New Zealand Blood Service
Mana Tohu Matauranga o Aotearoa | New Zealand Qualifications Authority
Manaakitanga Aotearoa | Tourism New Zealand (New Zealand Tourism Board)
Te Taurapa Tuhono | New Zealand Trade and Enterprise
Waka Kotahi | New Zealand Transport Agency
Herenga a Nuku Aotearoa | the Outdoor Access Commission
Te Pataka Whaioranga | Pharmaceutical Management Agency
Te Mana Papawhenua | Real Estate Authority (Real Estate Agents Authority)
Kahui Whakamana Tauwhiro | Social Workers Registration Board
Ihi Aotearoa | Sport New Zealand (Sport and Recreation New Zealand)
Taumata Arowai | Water Services Regulator
Te Amorangi Matauranga Matua | Tertiary Education Commission
Mahi Haumaru Aotearoa | WorkSafe New Zealand
Te Putea Matua | Reserve Bank of New Zealand
Nga pakihi a te kawanatanga | State-owned enterprises
Nga kamupene mana whakauruuru | Mixed ownership model companies
