Protecting sensitive Iranians from buffalo bums & wolf wobblies

One of the best arguments against censorship is just how bloody ridiculous it inevitably becomes. The absurd conclusion of censorship is inevitable the instant moralising busy-bodies decide that adults are, in fact, children. Having ruled that the hoi polloi are unable to decide for themselves what they should or shouldn?t read, see or hear, the gimlet-eyed guardians of public virtue invariably making complete gooses of themselves.

When the prosecutor in the 1960 obscenity trial over Lady Chatterley?s Lover sniffily wondered whether it was ?a book that you would even wish your wife or your servants to read?, he instantly became a figure of ridicule. Even some of the jurors openly laughed.

Iran?s state censors are similarly making themselves the target of mockery, as they obsess over buffalo bums and women?s ears.

You might expect Iran’s state broadcaster to remove images of women eating cucumbers on television – but the backsides of buffaloes and the outlines of ears under headscarves?

Censors in the conservative Islamic republic have banned these from screens over the years and exasperated TV production staff are now taking to social media to laugh about them.

TV writer Amir Mehdi Jule kicked off a campaign on Instagram with the hashtag #Censorship_and_I, talking about the challenges of depicting women’s bodies.

“One of the problems of displaying women on television, in addition to the [need for them to wear a] headscarf? is the perception or illusion of the size of their body parts underneath their clothes,” he said.

But he never expected feedback asking him to pay attention to the size and shape of women’s ears. “We never realised that an ear covered by a headscarf could be provocative,” he said.

Phwoar! Check out the lugs on ?er!

Screenwriter and director Mostafa Kiayee, recounted the time he had to edit a nature documentary on water buffalo.

“They sent a list of corrections and the first one was to cut a shot of buffalo walking out of the water. When I asked for the reason, they answered ‘buffaloes walking out of the water from behind is provocative’.”

BBC

Well, to be fair, buffalo do look a lot like goats, from behind. If they allow Iranian men a glimpse of some saucy bovine rump, who knows where it will all end?

Even canine chest-cannons are haram.

Eagle-eyed viewers have noticed that Iranian state television censored the logo of an Italian football club during its coverage of UEFA Champions League football.

While AS Roma were being roundly beaten by FC Barcelona in the competition’s quarter-finals last night, people watching Iran TV’s third channel noticed that producers had blurred out a female wolf’s teats on the club badge.

The team from the Italian capital’s logo shows Romulus and Remus being suckled by the Capitoline Wolf, from the myth surrounding the foundation of Rome.

However, that appeared to be too much for bosses at Iran’s Voice and Vision organisation, and the club’s badge appeared on screen with the nipples clearly blurred.

BBC

Well, you know how it is: one minute, you?re seeing some lupine love-muffins, on the telly, the next, women will be leaving the house without a male guardian.

Can?t be too careful.