Warning
Satire
Sheriff Ardern looked through the gloom in the Karangahake Saloon ‘til she spied Marshal Robbo Robertson. She plonked herself on the stool next to him and croaked, “Did you see the polls, I’ve got to get some Red-Eye down me.
“What’s with Marshal Luxy Luxon becoming more popular than I am?”
Marshal Robbo:
It’s because you’ve got no more Covid Critters to chase away or any that we would acknowledge. It’s like the townsfolk have completely forgotten about how we saved them and now they are warming up to inexperienced Late Luxy who will swoop in and pretend he did all the work in getting rid of the “Covid Critters”.
Sheriff Ardern:
And look who else is failing to show me gratitude after I made him my deputy in 2016. It’s the Chameleon Peters himself, or should I rename him Lazarus? He’s still got the burial clothes on him. I thought he was 6 feet under, but what does he do, he comes forth from the tomb round All Hallows. Now the resurrected one is putting the Secrets of the Dead around the Old Country, Merry Old England and telling them I am unelectable.
Plus GBN is likening me to Mark Rutte of the Netherlands because of the “F” Fart Tax. Some are even calling me a “cow”. I am not like Rutte at all because I was first with the “F” Tax and that’s what counts: being first. The only similarity with Rutte is the culling of farmers, just like they do to animals. Plus we will make them put pine forests on their land thus making it unusable in the future for cows or sheep. Don’t you just love it when we lasso ‘em up like this?
Marshal Robbo:
The Chameleon has teamed up with Stalkin Seymour in opposition to co-governance. What strange bedfellows, I thought they hated each other. Mahuta seems to have thrown them into each other’s arms. It must have been the Taniwha playing tricks on Mahuta. But no worries, we are going to change Three Waters into Five Waters. Three Waters was only a feint. We were really after Coastal Waters and Geo-Thermal Waters. The Mahuta Gang are calling the shots.
Sheriff Ardern:
Uncle Klaus wants to deepen ties to the WEF with us. Though the townsfolk don’t know yet. Anyone would think Karangahake is a democracy the way the BFD carry on, but Michael Lawless put them in their place with the old faithful, if anyone gets rumpty “it’s a Conspiracy Theory”.
Marshal Robbo:
“Hate Hannah” is not getting the right sort of Telegrams recently, she has had death threats. She seemed to be afraid that some knitters would turn up and wreck the joint once word of the planned meeting got out. The Chroniclers will now sadly miss out on hearing about the Disinformation Project. Perhaps the chance of Chantelle Baker turning up was too much of a risk to take. Anyway Adze Allan can take up the slack with her Hate Speech Laws. Any townsfolk who do not repeat our mantra will end up in the calaboose [ed: jail]. All this should be in place come the next election for Sheriff.
Sheriff Ardern:
I remember from my Mormon Days that Joel 2 in the Holy Book says the Moon will turn into blood at the “End of Days”. Recently there was the phenomenon of the Blood Lunar Eclipse over Karangahake on November 8, 2022. There won’t be another one till 2025 after the election. Is this an omen for me? Is it my “End of Days” at the Beehive? Or possibly an omen of Bad Orange Man’s run for President in the Land of the Free. Or is it possibly the methane gas levels rising which Late Luxon doesn’t seem to be concerned about?
Creedence is spookily playing a song over in the dim light in the corner of the Karangahake Saloon. it’s called “Bad Moon Rising”, or should that be “Bad Methane Rising?
I see the Bad Moon rising, I see trouble on the way, I see earthquakes and lightnin’ I see bad times today, Don’t go around tonight, Well it’s bound to take your life. There’s a bad moon on the rise. I hear hurricanes blowing, I know the end is coming soon, I fear rivers overflowing, I hear the voice of rage and ruin. Hope you’ve got your things together, Hope you are quite prepared to die, Looks like we’re in for nasty weather One eye is taken for an eye.
