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Satire
Sheriff Ardern limped into the saloon. Her Horse ‘Marx’ had just ‘taken the Knee’ in the polls and HDPA was saying she had ‘Imposter Syndrome’ and was ‘faking it till she made it.’
Ardern: I’ll have a shot of RED-eye (whiskey) barperson. Have you seen my polls?
Deputy Robertson joins her. They drink as if they were at a wake as in truth they have died a little in the polls.
Robertson: I’ll have the same. Let’s get to the business of the day. What’s gonna happen if Tony’s Lord Nelson in Victoria Street West closes ‘cause of the construction of the new railroad? I won’t be able to get my Carpetbagger steaks. Da Vinci’s has already gone. Are they getting compensation for the loss of business or a rates rebate?
Ardern: I’ve handed over that ‘hot potato’ over to Woody.
Robertson: Talkin of Woody, it’s a bridge too far ain’t it. All the gold in the Talisman Mine wouldn’t pay for it. Those Ponsonby types and the Devonport luvies just wanted an excuse to get into Lycra. Who do they think they are? ‘Easy Riders’? Or is it ‘Ghost Riders in the Sky’?
Ardern: ‘Stalkin Seymour’ said it didn’t have the BCR. A M Ranch said the townsfolk were agin it. Do you know what A M stands for? ‘Against Me’ thats what!. ‘Dunkin Donut’ and the Hosk, all gunning for me. I told ‘Dunkin Donut’ I was ‘listening’ but I didn’t tell him who to. It’s the UN.
Robertson: The Mongrel Gang got away with a great heist. Any wanted posters up yet?
Ardern: No, But they’re not gonna vote ‘Cactus Karen’ for Sheriff neither! Who does ‘Cactus Karen’ think she is? Wyatt Earp, Sheriff of Tombstone?
Robertson: I hear the Brown Posse are goin’ after the Mongrel Gang.
Ardern: Let them try.
Robertson: ‘Kaikoura Kid’ seems to have galloped in from the Boondocks like the ‘Lone Ranger.’ Wasn’t that where the earthquake was? He doesn’t want a name change for Karangahape Road in Dodge City (one to avoid). Some folks wanted to call it K Road instead. This is creating a bit of an earthquake itself, and cracks might begin to open up amongst the voters for Sheriff. Anyway ‘Cactus Karen’ is going to complain to the manager. ‘Stalkin Seymour’ ain’t goin to support her because he didn’t think of it first.
Ardern: Once we get our Hate Speech Laws up and running they won’t be able to shoot off their mouths, or it will be three years in the Calaboose (jail) or a 50,000 dollar fine. We will have the cattle class lassoed down. That should take the fire out of their bellies. Shame ‘Farfetched’ went up in flames to ‘Torching Tova’ and couldn’t give a single instance of ‘Hate Speech’ but let’s face it neither could I.
Robertson: Does anyone know the English translation of He Puapua? The Proles ain’t gonna bother to find out. The less they know about it the better. If anyone asks for a translation they are going to look culturally deficient or even worse racist. Actually, it literally means ‘Breaking Waves’ but we don’t want to frighten the horses and let them know it is basically Apartheid. Racism is a good ‘catch all’ phrase to be used at all times on the Democracy types. Davidson and Jackson have already jumped on to the bandwagon. We snuck this He Puapua Stuff past the ‘Chameleon’. We did say we were goin’ to be the most honest Sheriffs ever. But we were lyin’. BFD has unseated us a couple of times, and caused a ‘reverse ferret’. Looks like we will do one on Mike King.
Ardern: I’m gonna go ‘He He’ when He Puapua is passed. Our UN bosses are gonna be mighty pleased. Ever read ‘Covid 19 The Great Reset’ by Klaus Scwab of the globalist WEF the World Economic Forum? I got my phrase ‘Build Back Better’ from that book plus it is a globalist mantra used by the Clintons, Obama, Gates, Johnston, Soros and others. I am shown on YouTube repeating this phrase. This shows my solidarity with them. It ain’t about building 10,000 houses a year or being ‘Bob the Builder’, it’s about building a ‘Brave New World” under the ‘Great Reset’. As promulgated by Prince Charles, Gutteres of the UN. To name just a few.
Robertson: The Groundswell Hootenanny is comin’ up August 16th. There will be plenty of Horsepower there. Wonder if they can beat your horse ‘Marx’? That song “Ghost Rider in the Sky” keeps haunting me. It’s driftin’ into the Saloon.
An old cowboy went out riding one dark and windy day, On a ridge he rested as he went along his way, When all at once a mighty herd of RED-eyed cows he saw, Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel, A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the Sky. For he saw the riders coming hard and heard their mournful cry. Yippee Yi ya, Yippee Yi O! Ghost riders in the sky.
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