Information
Satire
Your intrepid eye-witness has been absent for a little while, finding the oppressive atmosphere of the New Normal State of Justindazuela to be conducive to long periods of voluntary solitary confinement. This period has largely been spent contemplating the mysteries of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and wondering how people can hold the view that the human race has advanced intellectually over the millennia, when overwhelming evidence to the contrary assails us every day on the pages of the Marxstream media.
The answer to this mystery, which is said to be 42 according to Douglas Adams, seems to be as reasonable and feasible as any other. My conclusion is that the human race is splitting into two groups, which has nothing to do with race or any other factor, but simply the arranged and the deranged.
I was also able to do some work on improvements to the Spyfly device.
Speaking of both the Spyfly device and the general deterioration in mental acuity in some segments of the population, I am reminded that I was able to listen to a recent conversation in Justinda’s office which demonstrated this fact.
As I was at my ease one recent morning, the Spyfly alarm sounded with three alarms simultaneously; the wokeness overload, the grovelling sycophancy, and the dangerous ineptitude alarms. The cacophony brought me to my feet and, hurrying to the Spyfly monitoring room, I found that the alarms had indeed spoken veraciously, for none other than Stoatart Gnash was nervously seating himself in a chair in Justinda Ardeau’s office.
“Firstly, may I say that you are doing a simply amazing job of running OurTearRoar,” he said, grovellingly. “You are just the greatest, most wonderful, incredibly astute, mind-bogglingly brilliant Prime Minister in the history of human civilisation…”
Justinda’s dental incandescence faded as she snapped, “I got you here to congratulate you, Stoaty, so don’t spoil it with talk of human civilisation. Human civilisation is our enemy and must be destroyed, especially that of the Christian West. Luciferian civilisation is what we are aiming for, and the equal sharing of misery, and don’t you forget it.” The beginnings of another full-frontal dental attack began to glimmer as she added, “but not for we in the Inner Party, Stoaty. No misery for us.”
Stoatart smiled nervously, and said, “You’re so wonderful Justinda. I was rather concerned that you were going to haul me over the coals for losing four and a half billion dollars to the economy. I just got confused and didn’t know what I was saying. I…”
Justinda interrupted him, saying, “Well most of us in the Inner Party don’t know what we’re saying until after we’ve said it, and often not even then, so that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. No, that was the very thing I got you here to congratulate you on. Four point five billion dollars lost to the economy. What sweet music in those words. Hastening the demise of this evil Western Civilisation and this racist, colonialist, bunch of whiteys. Upon the ashes we will build our Brave New World Order. Down with New Zealand, and Up with OurTearRoar.” She leapt to her feet (backwards as is her government’s custom) as she shouted this, and Stoatart was quick to follow suit, shaking his fist as he emulated Justinda, giving the time-honoured communist salute.
“I’m happy that I have pleased you, your wonderful magnificence,” said Stoatart, looking like a stoat that has just eaten several young kiwi. “But I must apologise for being insufficiently Mouldy. I’m concerned that this deficiency won’t allow me to rise to the top of the elite, when we’ve achieved our aims.”
“Hah, don’t give it a thought,” said Justinda. “I’m not Mouldy either.” She looked around furtively. “To tell you the truth, Stoaty, and I don’t often do that, He Puapua will be implemented, but it will be immediately dumped upon President Xi taking control of the CCP province of Kow-tow-aroa… that’s us Stoaty in case you didn’t know.” She giggled rather hysterically and then continued. “Actually, being Mouldy won’t help at all after that. The joke is, they’re considered to be troublemakers by his magnificence Genghis Xi the First, Pooh-bear of Kow-tow-aroa, as he will be known, and they will either be shot immediately and their organs harvested, or sent to re-education camps to learn Mandarin, starved for a few years, and then shot and their organs harvested. Possibly some testing of new Covid releases, if they’re lucky. So you see, Stoaty, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.” She gave a little chuckle. “I wonder how Nanaia Matuta will enjoy the diet at the re-education camps. I believe that Genghis Xi’s weight loss programme is very effective.”
“So we’ll be the Inner Party elite, and rule New… I mean Aotea… ahh, Kow-tow-aroa?” said Stoatart.
Justinda gave a mysterious smirk. “Not quite, Stoaty. We’ll be whisked out of the country just before President Genghis Xi takes over, and we’ll live happily ever after, earning huge salaries at the UN, living in our mansions by our beaches.”
“Is that safe?” queried Stoatart. “I mean, climate change, rising sea levels, water, moisture, drowning…”
Justinda gave him a pitying look. “Good grief, Stoaty, you don’t believe that nonsense do you? Of course, it’s not happening. It’s just a tool we elite, the new nobility, use. Look at all the elites with beachfront properties. Do they look worried? You’re so naïve Stoaty.”
Stoatart looked somewhat embarrassed, as Justinda said, “Well that’s all Stoaty. Keep up the good work of continuing to wreck this country’s economy, and we will see ourselves living in elite luxury before too long. Dismissed.” She waved a bony hoof at him and Stoatart, giving the approved salute, turned and left the room.
Justinda watched as his retreating form exited, muttered “How naïve,” and turned her attention back to cutting her paper dolls.
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