Teaching Global Warming in Schools Provides a GREAT Opportunity.

Robin Grieve

Information

Humour/Satire

Schools wanting to teach global warming have a great opportunity to integrate many aspects of education into one enjoyable topic. Children today are engaged with the topic of global warming so this provides a tremendous opportunity to educate them.

The use of Greta Thunberg in the curriculum is a masterstroke. Greta can actually see CO₂, so a classroom exercise involving filling a jar with air and asking how many children in the class can see the invisible gas in it, will identify any children with psychiatric disorders that may have not previously been diagnosed.

Greta laments the fact that her childhood has been stolen, so a group exercise could involve asking how many others in the class feel they have had their childhood stolen by global warming. This could lead on to a lesson about other examples of children in history who through famine, war, epidemics, sex exploitation, violence or death have had no childhood. Footage of children slaving in lithium mines to produce batteries for electric cars so that children who have an irrational fear of the climate can get their childhood back, will reassure the children by showing them that others less fortunate than themselves are doing the suffering for them.

Once the children get used to the fact that spoilt, privileged, rich children in developed countries are more the victims than poverty-stricken children in third world countries who are denied basics like power because burning coal is upsetting the rich children, they are then ready to be climate activists like Greta.

The topic of sea-level rise could involve a trip to the beach but teachers will have to be very careful to ensure the children are not terrified when they see the relentless march of the sea. Perhaps they should go when the tide is going out to reduce the trauma. Drawing a line on the sand where the sea level used to be 100 years ago could involve an exercise in maths and will show the children how catastrophic the 2 or 3-millimeter annual rise has been so far. This may not alarm the children enough so additional lines showing the 100-meter sea level rise that is predicted by next week or whenever will help.

A list showing all the predictions climate scientists have made over the last thirty years or so about the devastating impact of global warming could be matched in a correlation exercise with how many have actually occurred. Discussing the numerous predictions will take a full class day but the second part where the ones that came true are covered should not take very long.

Climate deniers and how to treat them will provide an opportunity to clarify to the children that all the talk about the importance of diversity and inclusivity was just talk and global warming is too important to bother with ideological niceties like that.

Hate speech and mental illness can be covered by explaining to the children that it is OK for the Minister of Climate Change to bully people with hate speech by calling them “climate deniers” because it is really important to put down any people who ask awkward questions you don’t like. The children will be a bit confused about this and that provides a good opportunity to explain that bullying is OK if you are right and that, with regard to global warming, name-calling is a more reliable option than anything scientific.

History can be covered by listing the many times in history when people thought the world was going to end. The children will no doubt question why it is any different this time from the failed doomsday prophesies of the past, and that is a great opportunity to explain to them that it is different this time because it is only climate change deniers who don’t believe the world is going to end soon and they must be wrong because they are deniers.

Data collection and research can be covered by getting the children to google search the official climate records of the New Zealand Government to find out how many more extreme weather events are occurring now because of the 1 degree of warming we have suffered since pre-industrial times. As long as the children only use official sites, such as NIWA and the Government’s Ministry for the Environment, they will find the 1 degree of warming has caused a decrease in extreme rainfall, flooding, wind and no change in drought. That will confuse them because the Minister for Climate Change says things have gotten worse. This is a good time to warn the children about the prevalence of fake news on the internet, even in official Government climate records, and that unless it supports the narrative of catastrophic global warming, it is fake news.

Lastly, economics and the existence of gender, age and race discrimination can be covered by explaining to the children that the blame for global warming rests squarely at the feet of capitalism and greed and it is all the fault of old white men.

In conclusion not only can a lot of important academic topics be covered under the global warming curriculum but, more importantly for children of today, social issues and learning to conform and not to question will be to the fore; which is another benefit of the curriculum because these are the traits that are increasingly valued in our modern society.

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