The Battle of the Knitters Templar

Warning

Satire

Hate Hannah
The Disinformation Projectors

One of the stories that has particularly stood out to me during the excellent and incredible research work that I and Sanjana Madasahatter do here at the Disinformation Projectors (the DP) is our uncovering for the first time the truth about a hitherto unknown battle that took place during World War II in the midst of the siege of Lemingrad, called “The battle of the Knitters Templar”.  In this article, I reveal the sad and bitter truth of that episode in our history.

To understand the context, and especially for those of you who are not as well educated as we are here at the DP of course, we need to explain that during World War II the Nazi SS contained a number of dark underground groups that have hitherto remained veiled in secrecy, and this is the first time that their identity has been revealed.

The first of these evil groups was called the Knitters Templar (originally known as the Holy Order of the Knitters Templar), which, as the name suggests is an extremist right-wing Christian knitting circle, that conducted meetings in shadowy fire-lit locations, where they concocted devious plans for world domination whilst drinking warm mugs of cocoa and sharing knitting patterns that their grandmothers had handed down to them from the pseudo-Celtic and pseudo-Nordic roots; some of them with quite elaborate and colourful patterns.

In a particularly bizarre and evil twist, some of the crocheted and knitted depictions actually included joyful scenes of families sharing time together, mothers and fathers, all living in the same house, living with their children and actually caring for them.  Something that quite obviously would never be accepted or tolerated by academia or media in this day and age as the idea of families having a father figure in their own house is depraved.

Many of these groups included such extremists as young white girls with braided hair who were reputed to exhibit strange and supremacist behaviours such as eating a piece of chocolate with their Milo, or who would sometimes eat a small cracker with cheese – another clear sign of white nationalism.

Another of the secretive neo-nazi groups was known by the intimidating and forbidding name of “The young ladies Wednesday sewing circle” (*trigger warning), which was linked to the Knitters Templar society by their pagan Celtic use of the word “circle” in their name, another clear sign of white supremacy, and which of course is also directly linked to the ritualistic stone circles such as Stonehenge (which as we all know is a place where naked witches with braided hair and flowers would dance in a depraved manner while carrying flickering torches).

Much like the knitters, this evil group performed their own specific ritualistic acts like the mending of socks with holes in the toes, or the adding of buttons to shirts, all using pagan-religious objects called “needles and thread”. Some of the more frightening things that they were found to have performed are what was known in their group by the code name “shortening of the hemlines”, or “the taking up of trousers”.  This medieval and brutal act involved the cutting of clothing and the “adjustment to fit”, a sure sign of their desire for total control of all human clothing. The pieces of leftover clothing were then often used as sacrifices to their Christian gods, by a ritual known as “throwing them in the rag-bin for later use”.

Another of these vile shadowy groups was known as “The Cake Bakers of Christendom”. These evil and selfish young white women were known to share cake recipes, as only depraved Christians are known to do, and then use ovens to actually bake them into delicious edible goods!

Details of the evil recipes are unknown, not of course that we would wish to know, although from our deep research we believe that they may have included chocolate cakes, brownies and even raisin and date scones, sometimes with full-fat, climate-change-inducing cream! These were then either eaten or stored away for nefarious uses later in their secret underground lairs that went by the white-supremacist code name of “the pantry”.

Our research uncovered other shadowy SS groups, and although our details are sketchy, they are known to have included home decorators, flower arrangers, impressionist painters and violinists. Often the depths of depravity that they stooped to would include things like putting flowers into vases or even arranging fruit in bowls for later consumption. It is also reported that some of them even listened to known satanic white supremacist musicians like Bach or Brahms, and even the lascivious Frank Sinatra. One of them is even thought to have danced the polka!

On a dark misty night a call went out to the Knitters Templar that the people of Lemingrad were starving after the long siege and were dying from the cold, so they suggested a gathering of the clans, in order to supply food and clothing to the huddled dying masses. In the shadows of darkness, they gathered their cakes, scones, pastries, warm scarves, trousers, skirts and knit jackets and proceeded to the walls of Lemingrad. Before they could be stopped, a central column of the cake makers had already thrown barrages of cakes, heavy baskets of scones, and a broad assemblage of delicious hors d’eouvres, along with a fine selection of French cheeses, charcuterie and patisserie over the city walls. Meanwhile, the Knitters Templar took to a flanking attack with catapult and trebuchet siege weapons to hurl sacks of warm knitted clothing over the walls to the huddled masses beyond, while the violinists serenaded them with a hearty and rousing rendition of Beethoven’s Fourth. The horror of that night was simply unimaginable.

The poor people of Lemingrad who received the abundant food and clothing ate and drank and clothed themselves warmly, and then misguidedly thanked the Knitters Templar and the cake bakers for their gifts, not even realising that they had been produced by evil white supremacists. To this day those of Lemingrad who survived that battle due to the food and clothing provided, are unaware that they were helped by young white girls with flowers in their braided hair. If only they had known, then they would surely have been able to throw the food and clothing back, and die honourably from starvation and the cold instead.

We at The Disinformation Projection apologise if the graphic depiction of the horrors of whiteness has offended some people, especially those not as well trained or incredibly knowledgeable as we obviously are here at the DP, but we do feel that atrocities like this must be known about and shared widely.

We must ensure that the evils of being born with white skin are well known, and make sure that white people are suitably attacked, silenced, vilified and adequately persecuted, (well, apart from Kate of course, or the white people in the Labour Government and the media) and must never be allowed to help people again, as they have so forcefully, frequently and openly been allowed to do throughout history.

The battle of Lemingrad and the Knitters Templar must never be forgotten, and Hate Hannah and Sanjana Madasahatter are so very proud that this is the most thoroughly researched and accurate article that the Disinformation Projection has ever produced with New Zealand government funding.

If you suspect that one of your neighbours may be white, please immediately contact Hate Hannah or Sanjana Madasahatter, or any member of the Ardern Government immediately. Please do not attempt to engage with them, as they might want to politely converse with you or share a food recipe.