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The Comedy Relief of the Alliance [updated]

I’m not sure who should be more embarrassed. The BFD. Photoshop by Lushington Brady.

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The closeness of the Australia-New Zealand relationship is a long-standing fact of both nations’ history, going back to Cook’s first voyage in 1768-71. The two nations went to world war together as the ANZACs. But, under its Labour government especially, the reliability of New Zealand as a defence partner has often come under scrutiny. Not just because of the deterioration of New Zealand’s defence capability (although Australia hasn’t a lot to boast about there, either), but Labour’s increasing cosying up to the Chinese regime.

This, as well as decisions such as the Lange government’s ban on nuclear vessels in New Zealand ports, have strained wider alliances, such as ANZUS and Five Eyes.

So, on the face of it, increasing engagement with the new, AUKUS alliance may well be a reassuring signal from PM Chris Hipkins.

At a bilateral meeting on Wednesday during their annual leaders’ meeting, Mr Albanese and Mr Hipkins agreed that, as part of a 10 year road map, the two countries would play a more active role with the Pacific ‘family’ of island nations.

At the same time as Albanese is racking up more frequent flyer points in Wellington, some high-level American visitors are dropping in, as well.

Anthony Albanese will meet US Secretary of State Antony Blinken and US Defence Secretary Lloyd Austin in Brisbane on Friday as Australia and NZ join with the US in pushing back against China’s increasingly assertive engagement with the Pacific […]

Mr Albanese’s visit to Wellington coincides with that of Mr Blinken, also in NZ to strengthen defence links with Wellington, which is acknowledged as the gateway to Pacific relations. After meeting with NZ foreign minister Nanaia Mahuta on Thursday, Mr Blinken repeatedly stressed America’s commitment to the Pacific in order to maintain the rules based international order.

And there is, of course, the dragon in the room.

Without naming China, Mr Blinken said Washington wanted to use Wellington’s relationships in the Pacific “to defend the Indo-Pacific so nations make their own decisions free from coercion.”

He added that the door was “very much open” for NZ to engage with AUKUS “as a trusted partner,” and on Wednesday, Mr Hipkins said he would hold conversations with the pact partners about NZ’s involvement with Pillar 2 of the deal.

The Australian

Which begs the question, though: what, exactly, is New Zealand bringing to the defence table?

New Zealand Prime Minister Chris Hipkins has canvassed the terrific idea that New Zealand could join the non-nuclear Pillar Two of the AUKUS agreement.

This shows the revolutionary genius of AUKUS. It can be a military technology agreement even for countries, like New Zealand, effectively without a military at all.

A defence industry technology agreement that embraces nations which don’t have technology, or even industry, to speak of.

If you don’t have a military what would you need hi-tech military technology for? And what possible contribution could you make to such hi-tech technology?

Still, at least it would make Australia look better by comparison.

We would cease being the shirker and the dunce in the AUKUS class.

After all, we’re not doing very much at all to acquire or produce defence capabilities over the next 10 years, but compared with the Kiwis we are the Prussians of the Pacific.

In terms of defence, we are, compared with New Zealand, Godzilla, Hercules and Arnie Schwarzenegger all rolled into one. But only compared with New Zealand.

On the other hand, what kind of defence partner locks out its allies’ navies from its own waters?

Given that the US and UK operate exclusively nuclear-powered submarines, that means that none of their submarines at all can visit the Kiwis.

Not to mention the rest of America’s fleet of nearly 100 nuclear-powered vessels.

Thus New Zealand’s entry into part of AUKUS would also help Canberra by providing a further rationale for maintaining our six Collins-class subs more or less forever, which is what we more or less plan to do anyway, given the fleet of AUKUS subs doesn’t get completed until the 2050s.

The Collins subs would be the only AUKUS subs allowed to visit the AUKUS member, New Zealand, if Wellington joins AUKUS.

The Australian

On the other hand, pretty much the entire Chinese fleet (which has only a dozen or so nuclear-powered subs, and, at present, no surface vessels) would get a nuclear-free pass in New Zealand waters.

Which would make AUKUS2 a very strange “alliance”, indeed.

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