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Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi. The BFD

Imagine you have some friends at your house for a social gathering. Suddenly a gun-toting criminal bursts in the door with a shotgun, takes aim at one of your chums and opens fire. Your friend is lying on the floor, dead, with a gaping hole in his chest. Shocking and tragic. You dial 111 and shortly afterwards the police arrive.

Here is where it all gets a bit surreal. Imagine if Inspector Plod were to say “That isn’t a dead body; there’s no dead body here – you’re just trying to make mischief and waste police time“, with threats to arrest everybody for making such mischief. You would be starting to think you’d taken leave of your senses, wouldn’t you?

This is the sort of thing that is occurring with the so-called “Covid Inquiry”. As is surprisingly normal and predictable with these inquiries, the intention is to create only the appearance of “due diligence”. What bothers those in power is setting some sort of precedent – for instance, prison terms for dictatorial leaders who break the law – and so the rush is on to protect members of the previous socialist Government from any sort of blame for their actions.

The first crock of doo-doo was the four minutes or so of (ahem) “public submissions” – complete with an advertising campaign on television. Nothing more than a card trick. By the time anybody put together a submission the time had expired and those who did make it were told they’d have to edit things down (remove the criticism of Ardern). Oh, and a little birdie tells me lots of Labour Party apparatchiks, curiously, were able to make submissions singing the praises of the pandemic response.

Various other things are off limits – in addition to criticism of Ardern – such as criticism of the vaccine (“Are you a scientist or Doctor?”), criticism of the debts incurred, damage to the economy, closing the border and hiding under the covers for three years, the lack of any actual cases in the entire South Island before the second August 2021 lockdown, the illegality of refusing entry into New Zealand of New Zealand citizens. You get the general idea, dear reader. It’s a complete jack-up with a report (long since written) exonerating Ardern and Co for their actions – and criticising the rubes and racists who dared to speak out against her.

Sort of a Commission of Inquiry version of a policeman telling you “That’s not a dead body” when your friend is splattered all over your lounge room.

Do not be surprised when they come to the conclusion that New Zealand’s response to the pandemic was the best in the world and the only thing lacking for the next one is even greater restrictions on civil liberties and freedoms. After all, they called for public submissions and got 3000 responses – all from people living at the same address (Labour Party HQ) – saying how marvellous it all was. Doesn’t that prove it comrades? Oh, there were a few other submissions, but we felt those people weren’t educated or were racists, so didn’t bother reading them. Conspiracy theory nutters and all that. (Never mind, eh?)

The commissioners are reminiscent of the character “Ruth” (Rose’s Mother) in the movie “Titanic” asking her daughter whether she wants to end up destitute. “Who is going to employ me ever again if I start telling the truth?!? Are you mad? We HAVE to make the Covid inquiry a whitewash or else I’ll have to go and live abroad – throw away decades of respect I’ve built up“.

Welcome to NZ priorities 2024 folks…

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