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I was watching the AM show on TV3 when something quite extraordinary occurred. A chap, complete with beard, was wearing a dress and being addressed as “Anne” as he explained a highly amusing ‘wish list’ for rental housing. Apparently he runs some commie protest organisation that was picketing a property management company in Wellington.

Once I managed to stop laughing at their utter stupidity, a couple of things struck me:

  1. I am still unsure if it was some joke hoax on TV3’s part, or a ‘real’ news story.
  2. Surely no serious news organisation would have a chap in a dress on their show.
  3. Why don’t they head along and picket, say, parliament (the folk who make laws regarding rental agreements)?

But what is hilarious is the fine print, what was actually in their list of demands. You’ll see what I mean when I – in all seriousness – query whether this was a real news story or a highly entertaining hoax by TV3.

Here’s the full list of the group’s demands (from the TV3 news website).

  1. All rent prices are permanently lowered to 25 per cent of the lowest benefit.
  2. Landlords must provide evidence they’re addressing repairs, including accessibility issues, within one week of being notified by tenants.
  3. Tenants in substandard housing must be appropriately relocated at the landlord’s expense during major repairs or renovations.
  4. Minimum tenancy length is five years. Tenants may exit at will.
  5. A permanent end to evictions during cold weather months (May to September), holiday periods and emergencies such as natural disasters or pandemics.
  6. Abolish bond and all substitutes. Hand back all bonds from landlord to tenant regardless of contract. Costs of repairing any damages will be covered by existing rent payments.
  7. Pets are allowed in all flats, including dogs.
  8. No entering the property uninvited AT ALL. Flat inspections are abolished.
  9. Landlords cannot ask prospective tenants for credit checks, employment history or any other references.
  10. Landlords must provide 365 days’ notice before selling or reoccupying the house.

Demand number one, and forgive me but I’ve no idea how much welfare parasites receive, means rents will presumably fall to around $50 per week (not bad for a three-bedroom house). Number four is a bit odd and contradictory. Number seven would be interesting if you have a pet elephant squashed into an Auckland apartment!

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but if I were a landlord, there would be no need for a credit check to decide “Anne” was not the sort of ‘chap’ to be living in my property (if you know what I mean).

What confuses me about this group and their demands is this – why aren’t they in gainful employment? Wellington has a substantial labour shortage, so if they stopped protesting and spent 25 minutes seeking employment, they’d find it. Problem solved!

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