Wellingtonians are very sensitive to weather. I kid you not.
Perhaps that was the reason behind my fellow creatures turning out in their thousands…or maybe hundreds, Ok, ok: scores? [dozens] More than ten, that’s a fact. On Monday.
Anyway, they came from everywhere, from the inner valleys Aro and Happy and from the farthest flung suburbs: Auckland, for example, Westport and Tauranga, using all modes of motorised carriage, including aircraft (if ‘necessary’):
to ‘disrupt’ beloved Wellington, the very epicenter of Global Warming, and to demand the only realistic solution to runaway temperatures in the capital: Communism. That’ll fix it. It fixed everything else.
Purely co-incidentally [I’m very sure], Stuff had run a story the week before about Wellington’s winters becoming warmer – isn’t that terrible? Warmer winters, who wants that?
The story focused, as is usual for very fackkety-fact Stuff, on actual real facts as determined by them, and only them, and no other facts to be entered into, or entertained, or observed, or listened to, but Hell! Those fackts!
Wellington’s gone and got warmer; a lot warmer says NIWA and Stuff. Why? NIWA’s average temperature record for ‘official’ Wellington Winter temperatures plots the 1981-2010 average for June-July-August at 9.33 degrees Celsius (48.79f). Crikey; that’s hot! Whereas the Government Meteorological Office in 1920 (based on the preceding 56 years of records) plotted the average over those same months at just 9.22 Celsius (48.59f):
Don’t you realise what that means? The Windy-city is warming at the rate of 0.11 degrees Celsius-per-century! Good Lord! In just five-hundred years we’ll be the same temperature as Wanganui. OMG; we’re all gonna die.
Don’t you people care? Aren’t you ashamed? I guess I’ll get no traction here; with you’all being right-wing nut-jobs and everything. You’ll just scoff, so what? – and go on belching CO2 while we suffer, succumbing to the creeping escalation of deadly temperature-rise, well on track towards one-degree-warmer winters in just 909 years, that’s less than a single millennium!
How Dare You.
