Table of Contents
Fifty Something
Warning
This article is for women and the men that love them. It contains sexual references and practical help.
There were a couple of side effects of my body going through menopause that I was prepared for. Hot flushes were the main one and also the possibility of hairs popping up where they didn’t belong because of higher levels of testosterone. The side effect of my periods stopping was one that I was looking forward to and when I went a whole year without a period I was thrilled — only to, a couple of months later, get one. Oh well, I thought, the worst of it is pretty much over; it will all be downhill from here on.
I was surprised to learn that weight gain was common and it explained why diets that I had used in the past to quickly lose weight no longer were effective. I also was surprised to learn that my difficulty sleeping was also a common side effect. Then out of the blue sex almost overnight became uncomfortable. I was expecting that it would become necessary to use sexual lubricants as I had read about reduced natural lubrication being a side effect of going through menopause but what I wasn’t prepared for was pain even with the use of lubricants.
Pain during sex and for days after sex is not something that women talk about. When it happened to me I was shocked at how bad it was. All of a sudden I really didn’t want to have sex anymore as at best it was something I could tolerate but it was no longer something that I could get any pleasure from. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.
I remembered back in my thirties my mother telling me about a friend of hers who had stopped having sex with her husband completely due to pain. At the time I wondered why on earth the silly woman didn’t use a sexual lubricant as I thought that surely that was all that would be needed.
Now that I was walking a mile in that poor woman’s shoes I realised that I had two choices. I could either give up on sex which would be a loss of pleasure for both my husband and myself and would put our relationship under horrible strain or I could do some research and solve the problem.
Well, ladies, I have done the work so that you can now reap the rewards.
It turns out that in some ways this issue is similar to breastfeeding. If you want to increase your milk supply you need to put your baby to the breast more often. Likewise to improve the blood flow to a woman’s fun bits you need to have sex more often not less. Of course it is a vicious cycle as if when you have sex it hurts you will naturally want to have less sex not more.
Here is where masturbation becomes a tool in your ‘fix my fun bits’ tool kit. Now I am not a doctor but it made sense to me that regular orgasms would improve the blood flow to all my fun bits thereby improving their elasticity.
Now that may seem an easy and fun solution but I had a problem. Even my external fun bits were too tender to touch without discomfort or pain. No one had told me that even externally there could be pain. I felt very disheartened. Why don’t women talk about these things?
I booked an appointment with my doctor and I was brutally frank with her. I told her that I didn’t want to take any pills for what I was experiencing but I asked her if there was anything else that she could offer me. To my great relief, there was and it is called Ovestin cream. I used it and in a little over two weeks sex no longer was hurting me but I made a rookie mistake. I thought that I was cured and did not keep using it twice a week as the instructions had told me to do because I had found the applicator uncomfortable to use as I still had no natural lubrication.
I realised that I needed another tool for my ‘fix my fun bits’ toolbox and so I went shopping online until I found a product called Replens moisturiser which is a long-lasting vaginal moisturiser with an easy to use applicator. Well, this product made a HUGE difference, as when I started using the Ovestin cream applicator again it was no longer uncomfortable to use, as the Replens lasts up to three days inside you.
Now I am going to be frank now because no woman should have to give up sex because of pain, and what I am going to tell you has fixed my sex life, and I want the same for any of you suffering in silence through similar issues.
A few hours before I think we are likely to have sex I use the Replens as it goes much higher in the body than a sexual lubricant applied by hand can ever go. I then can relax and just enjoy myself with no discomfort or pain.
The final tool in your ‘fix my sex life’ tool kit has to be your sexual partner. You need to be honest about what is going on. I explained to my husband what I was going through and also told him that I was committed to finding a solution as our sex life is important to me. He, in turn, was extra careful and together we worked out the best way to make it pleasurable for both of us.
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