John Black
Ten Reasons To Celebrate This King’s Birthday
The King’s Birthday should be the pinnacle of our public holidays, worthy of our entire nation raising a glass (or in my case, several) to the institution of the monarchy. Here’s why.
Bring Back the BSA
Angus was devastated by Paul Goldsmith’s decision to euthanise the BSA. He immediately dashed off a letter (he doesn’t do email. Or mobile phones, microwaves or indoor plumbing).
A Look at Trump’s Diary
Being, by all accounts a staggeringly unreflective man, I don’t imagine Trump keeps a diary. But if he did…
The Best Ruling the Employment Court Has Ever Made.
We can each now exploit our different cultural values to do as little actual work as possible.
Luxon: What Went Wrong?
Even if he has managed to corral enough MPs to back him, he has been so hobbled by the speculations over his leadership that his already lame prime ministership has been made even lamer, making it likely he limps to the election finish line in second place.
The Trump Method – Your Path to a Better Life
All one need do is carefully examine the tactics responsible for the man’s success. Luckily I’ve done the hard work for you and distilled Trump’s methods down to five key aphorisms.
Luxon and Hipkins Just Don’t Compare
To highlight the gulf between then and now, I’ve revisited some key political decisions and indulged in a little alternative history. How would the likes of Luxon and Hipkins have fared?
How to Survive the Fuel Crisis
Adult roly-pollies should be approached with caution, particularly amongst the morbidly obese. These muthas can pick up quite a speed and may only be able to be stopped by coastal cliffs or large bodies of water.
The Ayatollah Try-Outs
I feel the mullahs of Tehran were a mite hasty in going with one of their own. There are other just as worthy candidates far beyond their shores.
Rest in a Thousand Pieces Khamenei
The only sure thing is that the same critics will trot out the same arguments against any action on Iran stronger than cancelling the mullahs’ Swiss retirement visas, especially if it’s carried out by their least favourite orange-hued president.
The Racist List (Updated)
To help those who may not be keeping up, I’ve compiled a list of what is currently considered ‘racist’.
Now for the (Other) Epstein Files
There is a conspiracy operating here, but it’s not a new one: it’s the attempt by powerful men to hide from their wives, and the world, what they like doing with powerless young women.
A Sober Analysis of the Indian Free Trade Deal
I reckon Luxon was hustled by some New Delhi sharpies. Turning on the same oily charm my local dairy owner uses to try and sell me two-year-old chicken soup.
The No World Order
Perhaps I’ve been a tad hasty. Let’s get the Don on the phone and recommit to ANZUS and, while we’re at it, let’s see about getting on his Board of Peace overseeing Gaza – I’m sure we can sell the Gazans some milk powder or something.