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CNN International Awards Correspondent:
The president of the CCP, Xi Jinping, announced today he was awarding President Biden the July 1 medal for his harmonious actions over Afghanistan and outstanding contributions to Socialism with Chinese characteristics.
When told of his award, Biden made a special thank you to Xi Ping saying without him he would not be in the position he is today.
Also, Dr Anthony Fauci has been rewarded with the International Science and Technology Cooperation Award for his contributions to China’s scientific and technological undertakings.
CNN has been blessed with the Outstanding communist party members award – party members that are ideologically and politically firm, consistent with the Central Committee – with a strong working style, high prestige, excellent harmonious abilities and outstanding achievements.
Hunter Biden has been awarded the Medal of Heroic Exemplar for his work as an outstanding artist and example to the youth of America.
The medals will be presented personally by Xi Jinping in the oval office next week – after which President Biden will hand over the keys to the White House and the nuclear codes.
As a cost-saving measure, due to the fiscal blowout caused by Biden’s infrastructure bill, Congress will then be mothballed until further notice.
President Xi Jinping has designated Martha’s Vineyard an autonomous Special Administrative Region – very similar in concept to Macau, where American elites can see out their remaining years, chilling, partying and impressing each other.
President Xi Jinping also announced that Donald Trump will be stripped of the Medal of Honor he awarded himself before he left office.
CNN will also broadcast live, Trump’s public hanging on the Whitehouse lawn after being found guilty of the January 6, 2021, Insurrection.
CNN International News Explainer Editor
The Taliban rank and file are reportedly extremely angry after discovering that hundreds of thousands of ‘videos’ in a huge Kabul warehouse were not as they were told – pornography – destined for US troops – but interactive critical race theory CDs and workbooks.
They went on a mainly peaceful rampage, raping and pillaging in protest, with one saying, he spent over ten years hanging around in caves with a goat for company only to be confronted with this outrage – Treacherous Jo Biden broke their secret agreement.
Meanwhile in Earthquake Ravaged Haiti:
The Haitian President Moïse has officially complained to the UN about the Field hospitals supplied by the US which previously had been stationed in Afghanistan.
“They are only set up to do specialised “trans’ operations”, he said. “While they may be all the rage in the US and Afghanistan, they are completely useless here as are the tonnes of rule books which accompanied them listing the myriads of correct pronouns in use for the US armed forces.”
Life Imitates the US:
Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern is refusing to resign after it has been revealed she is facing a raft of lawsuits from actions dating back to her years as the President of Socialist Youth International through to the last election Campaign.
In a situation similar to disgraced US Governor Andrew Cuomo, there have been hundreds of complaints about unwanted hugs with many saying they were scarred for life.
When asked to comment Ardern said, “it is part of my culture – the progressive Left, we are just huggy people”.
“Who hasn’t been groped at a Labour Youth Camp?”
“What’s all the fuss about?”
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