Suze, our long-suffering transcript writer extraordinaire, has what I consider to be the most difficult job here at The BFD. I can’t stand listening to Captain Cindy’s voice blathering on saying nothing for minutes at a time, but poor old Suze not only has to listen to her, but she actually has to write down the verbal diarrhoea in a form that those of us without communications degrees can actually understand.
So to make life easier for our lovely Suze, and indeed anyone who may need to come up with suitable answers for basic questions, I have pulled apart Jacinda Ardern’s answers for the latest Hosking interview and put them together below in a very handy ‘Captain Cindy’s Cut and Paste Question Answering for Dummies’ guide.
My guide is extremely simple to use: all you have to do is, when asked any question, simply pick any answer from below. They are mostly interchangeable but if one doesn’t fit exactly with what you need, simply grab the next one and you’ll be answering even the most difficult question, just like a Part-time PM. Remember, this is all from just one interview.
-I haven’t ruled out aah…
-The focus for us is trying to help facilitate aah… a solution to be found …
-So, that’s what’s underway right now …
-We are directly involved in the conversations that are happening right now.
-That’s underway and I want to let that happen…
-We are not directly involved in that at the moment umm…
-It’s very much a discussion aah… amongst … aah…
-These are all umm… hypotheticals and conversations that aren’t necessary at this time because ahh… those solutions are being discussed and brokered.
-So, I am going to let that happen.
-I’m not going to turn up there with any hypothetical solutions.
-We can play a role in helping to facilitate a solution.
-Aah… we had a general… umm… conversation .
-Of course, I haven’t touched base with the deputy prime minister since …
-Aah… not necessarily but umm… you know, I also don’t want to predetermine the umm… discussions that are being had.
-At the moment, nothing specific.
-Aah… again, I will leave that until we have a specific request which at the moment umm… we don’t.
-Aah… Minister […] has indicated that would be umm… aah…
-Aah… that was actually in our confidence and supply agreement so we’ve been discussing …
-We will have more to say on that down the track.
-I’m not going to announce anything that hasn’t been concluded but …
-We haven’t concluded policy,
-When we have an announcement, we will make it.
-We are just doing the policy work.
-So, we’ve obviously done tranche one of that.
-That’s tranche one.
-So, we will have more to say in the action plan …
-I’m not going to make announcements until it’s completed.
-Yeah, that’s something obviously we’ve seen the markers for a number of years.
-We have made significant investments in …
-It is going to take us a while to get them in a better position …
-So, of course, the minister is working with them to get them back on track …
-Fix what is essentially nine years of neglect …
-I did actually have a conversation umm… with aah…
-I’ve also had a conversation with our minister of …
-They’re still doing a bit of work. So, there’s no conclusion there yet but I have had conversations with…
-So, these are some of the things that are being considered but I have had discussions with …
-And I know that’s something they are giving consideration to.
-Aah… you know… um… of course… there is action underway as we speak.
-I just don’t have a final outcome for you right now.
-Oh… again… that’s not for me to predetermine…
-Not while it’s being considered um… at the moment by um…
-But what I can tell you it’s obviously something that… you know… they are concerned about …
-Umm… I… I can’t tell you off the top of my head right now…
-It is something though that they are working on obviously now.
-I’m going to be pretty careful answering that question…
-This is um… ah… enquiry and work is still underway and it is um… a party matter…
-That’s not a number I can give you at present.
-I can tell you that our numbers are healthy …
-I can’t give you verified numbers there.
-It’s not something that I am directly involved in.
-I have of course, sought assurances.
-We have a process in place um…
-Aah… they are currently assessing the enquiry that was undertaken.
-Aah… that is not for me to determine.
-It’s not a matter that I’ve enquired into personally.
-It’s a matter for the Labour Party.
-I… I’m… No – I’m not going to get into that level of detail while this is a matter that is still underway.
-It would be premature for me to do that …
-That’s not something I’ve been briefed on…
-We hope to initiate a discussion about that…
So there you have it, the easiest guide to answering questions like a Boss that you are ever likely to see. Please feel free to use it anytime, no credit is necessary unless you actually work for the Coalition of Losers, in which case you must credit The BFD.
Go on, give it a whirl. Get a friend or work colleague to ask you a question, any question at all, and you will find the answer above.
Better interviews everyone, Enoho Ra.
