Table of Contents
Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
Warning
Satire
Anecdotal reports coming from across the entire public service warn of a looming staffing shortage. It seems that the public sector has literally ‘exhausted’ the fresh supply of graduate idealogues of sufficiently low intelligence and/or morals that they would be keen to push the government agenda far and wide.
One recruiter we interviewed lamented “..the quality of applicants for our hundreds of open roles is just not where it needs to be”. They went on to express frustration experienced at interview time when candidates made basic blunders such as talking about ‘equality’ instead of ‘equity’. Going on to add that “..one candidate even expressed some doubt about the relevance of climate change to operation of the Reserve Bank, while another referred to his mum as a ‘woman’ – duh! It’s just inexplicable that people would even use the W-word these days”.
“Some candidates are fluent in Te Reo, which is just embarrassing for us who know ‘just enough to get by’, and others know none of it which is just embarrassing for them”. Of course, this is all critical and we’re looking for that happy medium there, but it just doesn’t seem to exist.”
“Diversity is a bit of a tightrope as it needs to be just the right sorts of diversity such as race and gender expression. But we need to flatten diversity of thought by having all of our new recruits think the same way, or at least have the wit to ‘smile and wave’ so that they can enjoy their huge salaries, rather than rock any boats.”
“A recruiter friend of mine at Kainga Ora thought that she had found the perfect young part-Maori lesbian candidate but disqualified herself at interview by saying that it was her mission ‘to help the agency get more people into their own homes’. She even went so far as to ‘joke’ that Transitional Housing was just a euphemism for ‘sticking beneficiaries permanently into motels’. What a Nazi!”.
Universities have come under fire for training too few Arts graduates and letting the best brains in the country either find occupations in farming or the trades or study STEM subjects which only go to improve the country’s overall productivity.
While two universities have already responded by announcing the launch of a new Bachelor of Sophistry (BS) degree, starting 2023, some wags are suggesting that most of their degrees are already BS.
